ABNorman wrote:I'm in a band. We sing songs only about a mythos we created with a tragic heroine named the Scrotum Queen, who is a massive slut, so she cheats on the Scrotum King with this dishy traveller named Testicle Joe.
But see, the Scrotum King has an evil servant who discovers this secret tryst and rushes to tell the Scrotum King, who throws a level-3000 hissy fit and rushes to kill Testicle Joe.
But see, Scrotum Queen catches wind of this, and so she gives her baby (did I mention the baby? She and Testicle Joe have a baby) to TJ and he ships off on the next boat to Kabul, avoiding the Scrotum King's wrath.
Cut to 16 years later, and the Scrotum Queen is prancing about in her royal Scrotum Carriage, when some Scrotum Bandits leap out of the bushes and attempt to rob her, at which point they are set upon by a young man who saves that dirty slut, whereupon she leaps on him with almighty fervour.
But sex, the evil servant knows all, so he rushes to to his ancient Medieval telephone to call up Testicle Joe (who at this point is performing as a circus clown) and let him know that some stranger is schtoinking his wife.
After that, the evil servant lets the Scrotum King in on a secret. The ship that was carrying Testicle Joe and the baby was sunk at sea, and the two were separated. The mysterious stranger is none other than this little child, now named Riempiebankie. The boy is a master swordsman with one fatal weakness: when somebody yells out his name, he ejaculates. Violently and painfully.
Testicle Joe returns and rushes to the Scrotum Queen's chambers, but finds her with the Scrotum King. They duel, and the infirm Testicle Joe is mortally wounded. Riempiebankie bursts in and duels the king, but as he's gaining the upper hand, the Scrotum King begins yelling "RIEMPIEBANKIE! RIEMPIEBANKIE!" over and over again as Riempiebankie doubles over and begins ejaculating the life out of himself.
As the Scrotum King is about to deal the final blow(job), he staggers forward, silent. Scrotum Queen stands behind him, her hands empty of the dagger she just planted in his back. As she watches the three men that she loved and lay with, she despairs, reaching for her dagger again and slitting her own throat as the servant makes off with the contents of the Scrotum Treasury.
One of our songs is called "I Like Women With Willies".
Dude, where did you learn to write? If this isn't published by the end of the year, I'll find out where you live and let down your car tires.
