Are you not not going to watch the Oscars this year?

[Ms Harmless]

You know, it's interesting... I say that I'm monogamous. And I believe that. But.... if my wife came to me tomorrow and said that she wanted to be polyamorous, or that she'd found a partner who could give her something she felt she couldn't get from me, I would actually be open to the idea of her having multiple partners. There are obviously a ton of caveats here and considerations. But I'm not out-of-the-box opposed to it. And we've talked about this out loud. So... This is a fascinating conversation to me.

I would not want to lose my wife on that basis. This is all so complicated. And really interesting to me. And just goes to show how much societal pressures affect us even when we think they don't.

this is cool exciting stuff epilogue lmk if you ever want to chat about it further

[epilogue]

You know, it's interesting... I say that I'm monogamous. And I believe that. But.... if my wife came to me tomorrow and said that she wanted to be polyamorous, or that she'd found a partner who could give her something she felt she couldn't get from me, I would actually be open to the idea of her having multiple partners. There are obviously a ton of caveats here and considerations. But I'm not out-of-the-box opposed to it. And we've talked about this out loud. So... This is a fascinating conversation to me.

I would not want to lose my wife on that basis. This is all so complicated. And really interesting to me. And just goes to show how much societal pressures affect us even when we think they don't.

this is cool exciting stuff epilogue lmk if you ever want to chat about it further

Oh I totally will. And thank you for invite. I really appreciate it.

[tree_]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

[epilogue]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

[Ms Harmless]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

they aren't

identity isn't about what you're doing; arrangements and agreements are about what you're doing; and "polyamory" describes any and all of that

[tree_]

so what's this stuff about being "naturally polygamous" then? Because surely some of us are "naturally murderers", but not actual murderers

[spike]

ultimately, I'm just a person who tries to just do what feels like the best idea for me at the time

what a way to be

[Ms Harmless]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

[spike]

I just want to say that murder is also a noun

it’s just another meaningless word

[epilogue]

so what's this stuff about being "naturally polygamous" then? Because surely some of us are "naturally murderers", but not actual murderers

Polygamous or polyamorous?

[wease]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe

[Ms Harmless]

so what's this stuff about being "naturally polygamous" then? Because surely some of us are "naturally murderers", but not actual murderers

I used that to mean someone who has a natural disposition towards polyamory and hasn't felt any other way since they started having any romantic or sexual inclination

[tree_]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

Oops. I agree with this. I'm trying to figure out how someone can say they are polyamorous or polygamous without actually committing the act

[Ms Harmless]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

OK, there's a difference here. Being gay is possessing desire for sex with people of your own sex. No act is necessary. Being a murderer is possessing the status of having actually killed somebody. Do you see?

so why compare polyamorous to murderer any more than gay? you're doing it because of your personal feelings about what it is, or would be to you, to be polyamorous

[epilogue]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

OK, there's a difference here. Being gay is possessing desire for sex with people of your own sex. No act is necessary. Being a murderer is possessing the status of having actually killed somebody. Do you see?

I do. Do you?

[tree_]

see my edit, oops

[tree_]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

OK, there's a difference here. Being gay is possessing desire for sex with people of your own sex. No act is necessary. Being a murderer is possessing the status of having actually killed somebody. Do you see?

so why compare polyamorous to murderer any more than gay? you're doing it because of your personal feelings about what it is, or would be to you, to be polyamorous

Again, morally, I have no qualms. I'm trying to figure out what the words actually mean.

[Ms Harmless]

it seems like being polyamorous feels as unthinkably impossible as being a murderer to Tree

I bring good news! it is not!

[epilogue]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

Oops. I agree with this. I'm trying to figure out how someone can say they are polyamorous or polygamous without actually committing the act

You have an impulse. Society/your community/you religion/fear/perspective tells you not to act on those desires/impulses. You don't act.

You said you understand the difference between gay and murderer. How is this different for you?

[Ms Harmless]

So, are you telling me that I could identify as a murderer without ever actually attempting to murder anyone?

that's an interesting question given the number of people who'd say someone with a criminal desire should already be condemned as a criminal

but in any case, again, is it OK to murder? no

is it OK to "go outside a monogamous relationship"? potentially, yes, let's talk about baby

Morality aside, could one correctly, technically identify as someone who does certain things who doesn’t actually do those things?

I certainly will not speak for Ms. H but if y'all will allow an outside opinion here, I will say... yes. There are countless gay/lesbian identifying people who, for a variety of reasons, do not act on being gay/lesbian. But that's different than "murderer" which is the example you keep bringing up.

One can imagine killing a person and never kill a person. This person is not and should not be defined as a murderer. However, a person can be gay and not act on being gay. That person is still gay. So it's not a 1 to 1 comparison. The differential should be obvious.

OK, there's a difference here. Being gay is possessing desire for sex with people of your own sex. No act is necessary. Being a murderer is possessing the status of having actually killed somebody. Do you see?

so why compare polyamorous to murderer any more than gay? you're doing it because of your personal feelings about what it is, or would be to you, to be polyamorous

Again, morally, I have no qualms. I'm trying to figure out what the words actually mean.

figuring out what words mean beyond Googling their many and various definitions is very cool and healthy