Bammer's nocturnal emissions

[Jorge]

You ever open RM in the early morning and see that Bammer has the most recent posts in like the 58 current active threads? Then you have witnessed Bammer's nocturnal emissions. It's a curious phenomenon that I've been studying closely for some time now, and one I think we should all talk about.

[Bammer]

I’m old enough remember what happened the last time there were Bammer threads in GD

[wease]

He’s in the latest time zone. I used to wonder why the fuck he was up so late the I’d realize he’s 2 hours behind me.

[96583UP]

i used to stay up late and RM and looked fwd to when the west coasters came online

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[Jorge]

Yes, less astute minds might think that's all there is to it. But one of the hallmarks of Bammer's nocturnal emission posting is that it seems to be driven by a compulsion to see his name on the "Most recent post" column in as many threads and subforums as possible rather than a desire to engage in conversation, so you often end up with obscure threads bumped with comments such as "I don't know who this is" or "Did this ever happen" or sometimes just "Beer"

But how does he pick which threads to bump, often buried deep in the back-pages of the subforum? It's a complex ritual that is worth examining

[The Argonaut]

He does it on purpose. He likes to see his name hundreds of times. He just bumps random threads to say meaningless things most of the time. He likes to see

Bammer
Bammer
Bammer
Bammer
Bammer
Bammer
Bammer
Bammer

It's troubling!

[Jorge]

I'm not bothered by it. I like it. But I think it's time we gave it a name, and I like the name I came up with.

[E.H. Ruddock]

Great thread!

[Bammer]

I could share the answer but that would ruin all the fun

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[spike]

Isn’t there an unanswered posts feature he could be leveraging?

Or maybe just a good ol’ vanity search once he’s a few bourbons deep.

[96583UP]

the answer might surprise you

[Bammer]

I'm not bothered by it. I like it. But I think it's time we gave it a name, and I like the name I came up with.

Ouch nobody else acknowledged the thread title so you had to do it yourself

[Jorge]

Wasn't really waiting for acknowledgment. I am proudly my own biggest fan

[knee tunes]

toot toot

[Bammer]

Speaking of tooting oneself, I co-hosted a Webinar on Zoom earlier today.

Email follow up from the co-host: “Thanks for your help today, Bammer. I’m always impressed by your public speaking ability.”

[Jorge]

He called you Bammer?!

[Bammer]

He called you Bammer?!

Very cool of you to assume it’s a He.

[Jorge]

They called you Bammer?!