Dry January (or "January" to Trag)

[doug rr]

I think we're going to do a dry February...except for when we're in London

What’s your London drink? G&T?

always a single malt guy at heart but I do love my Campari and soda

[Bammer]

What percentage of Feb will you be in London?

I figure I drank on about 5 different days in January. Not bad.

[washing machine]

Where did the sobriety thread go?

I'm not sober. I exclusively drink wine. About a year ago I had an opportunity to select several new varietals a week as part of my job and somewhere along the line, the "education" became a habit. Now I'm up to a bottle or more an evening, and mostly the some varietals. I drink with dinner, then I'll finish the bottle with my wife after our son goes to bed. Then we'll want more and open another bottle, and we can't let that go to waste so we drink it too. It's become so routine and obviously takes hours away from my sleep.


I'd like to slow down, but a life without wine seems "boring." Transcending boredom is a goal or a lever of sobriety from what I hear, and that interests me. It's easy to see on paper how boring this life with the same wines every night is, too. That irony is not lost on me. I understand that this is probably what an addiction looks like.

I'm curious if I can challenge myself to stay bored/boring long enough to reset my palate and actual enjoy an occasional glass for tasting's sake.

Is sobriety always an all or none thing, or is there room for semi sober people?

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[washing machine]

Six years already, wow.

Thanks for the guidance. That distinction is helpful.

From my experiences with Dry January, Whole30 diet, and other abstaining programs over the years, I've learned that getting over the initial hump produces sustainable results over a defined time frame. I'm mentally able to stop or start habits, and I should probably feel gratitude that I have that within myself.

I suppose the intention in my heart needs to be clarified tor anything to stick.

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[wease]

Good job Trag! Stay strong!

[96583UP]

i don't think the production processes are refined enough for them to keep THC out of those things

[washing machine]

Been struggling again lately with wine and thc gummies. It's a compulsive evening routine at this point and it's noticeably affecting my mornings and by extension my responsibilities throughout the day.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to stop/take a break/whatever and that was tougher than I thought it would be. Feels okay this morning though. We'll see where this goes. I know myself well enough to understand that this is not the hard part. That's coming. Not sure if I want to be totally sober or try actual moderation. I don't think I want to give up life's intoxicating moments entirely, but yeah.

[tree_]

Been struggling again lately with wine and thc gummies. It's a compulsive evening routine at this point and it's noticeably affecting my mornings and by extension my responsibilities throughout the day.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to stop/take a break/whatever and that was tougher than I thought it would be. Feels okay this morning though. We'll see where this goes. I know myself well enough to understand that this is not the hard part. That's coming. Not sure if I want to be totally sober or try actual moderation. I don't think I want to give up life's intoxicating moments entirely, but yeah.

Wishing you the best. It's so easy to fall into a pattern and I know how difficult it can be to break it, especially when it's so casual and there's no real "rock bottom" to completely snap you out of it.

[washing machine]

Thanks, tree. Been running lately?

[tree_]

Thanks, tree. Been running lately?

You're welcome. No, man. Not at all. Been kind of in a funk too for a while, similar to yours. Not awful, but not super healthy either.

[washing machine]

Thanks, tree. Been running lately?

You're welcome. No, man. Not at all. Been kind of in a funk too for a while, similar to yours. Not awful, but not super healthy either.

Oh man, go on. Are you feeling locked in a routine?

[tree_]

Thanks, tree. Been running lately?

You're welcome. No, man. Not at all. Been kind of in a funk too for a while, similar to yours. Not awful, but not super healthy either.

Oh man, go on. Are you feeling locked in a routine?

Just basically feeling like my best self when I've got a buzz on. Dealing with anxiety/depression and using alcohol and pot to feel better is never a healthy thing. I've got my finger on the problem but not doing enough about it. It's so much easier to just keep doing what you're doing, until it becomes a bigger problem.

[washing machine]

Ah, gotcha and been there. Lately when I'm perfectly content with a day at the beach or going out on a run, I'll start thinking about how getting kinda stoned on a half dose of a gummy would just make the moment shine that much more. I'm not impaired or absent in these moments, but I'd like to get back to seeing the world through the same sober and awe-inspired eyes that my curious five-year old does. I see a lot of myself in him when he picks up a leaf and just totally gets lost in nature. I think he gets it from me, and it's helped me remember a default setting in my personality.

Rick Rubin's book The Creative Act has actually helped a lot with trying to return to whatever I've gotten away from, but you're right... it's just so easy/comfortable to just keep on escalating the moment with a buzz of some sort.

[tree_]

Ah, gotcha and been there. Lately when I'm perfectly content with a day at the beach or going out on a run, I'll start thinking about how getting kinda stoned on a half dose of a gummy would just make the moment shine that much more. I'm not impaired or absent in these moments, but I'd like to get back to seeing the world through the same sober and awe-inspired eyes that my curious five-year old does. I see a lot of myself in him when he picks up a leaf and just totally gets lost in nature. I think he gets it from me, and it's helped me remember a default setting in my personality.

Rick Rubin's book The Creative Act has actually helped a lot with trying to return to whatever I've gotten away from, but you're right... it's just so easy/comfortable to just keep on escalating the moment with a buzz of some sort.

Yeah man. I relate. I have so much joy with my two young children. That must be natural for everyone. And in that way, I know I'm not too fucked up. It's just like you said, I often just have that thought that I could be feeing better right now, because pot and booze do work so very well at doing that. I just have one of those brains I guess. I feel like I'm a better person when I'm a bit altered, and people actually seem to agree. I get out of my shell. But I do know ultimately I should work on breaking through that shell without cheating, and that would be the best version of me. Again, it just seems so daunting, and so much easier to just keep doing what I'm doing.

[BurtReynolds]

Ah, gotcha and been there. Lately when I'm perfectly content with a day at the beach or going out on a run, I'll start thinking about how getting kinda stoned on a half dose of a gummy would just make the moment shine that much more. I'm not impaired or absent in these moments, but I'd like to get back to seeing the world through the same sober and awe-inspired eyes that my curious five-year old does. I see a lot of myself in him when he picks up a leaf and just totally gets lost in nature. I think he gets it from me, and it's helped me remember a default setting in my personality.

Rick Rubin's book The Creative Act has actually helped a lot with trying to return to whatever I've gotten away from, but you're right... it's just so easy/comfortable to just keep on escalating the moment with a buzz of some sort.

Yeah man. I relate. I have so much joy with my two young children. That must be natural for everyone. And in that way, I know I'm not too fucked up. It's just like you said, I often just have that thought that I could be feeing better right now, because pot and booze do work so very well at doing that. I just have one of those brains I guess. I feel like I'm a better person when I'm a bit altered, and people actually seem to agree. I get out of my shell. But I do know ultimately I should work on breaking through that shell without cheating, and that would be the best version of me. Again, it just seems so daunting, and so much easier to just keep doing what I'm doing.

Perhaps this would make you happier

Spoiler: show

[Higgs]

Was at this little gift shop a couple days ago, and they had these CBD weed pre-rolls by the register. This was maybe the second or third time I'd seen a joint since I quit smoking.

I was immediately curious, like "wow, a pure CBD strain joint, I hadn't considered that..." Within a split second, my brain was percolating with the where/when/how could I pull this off? "My wife won't care because it's just CBD, but she'll hate the small, and she'll hate the idea of my kid seeing me smoking. Maybe I could smoke it after she goes to bed tonight. Or maybe during lunch tomorrow? I wonder how much I'd have to smoke to feel relaxed. I wonder if I smoked too much if I'd get a little buzz? Maybe it could just be like part of my nightly post-dinner stroll around the neighborhood. But then I might run into other parents I know, and I'd have to explain to them 'don't worry, it's just CBD..."

This was all in the span of like two seconds. I kind of chuckled at myself and turned around and walked out of the store.

I've been a daily evening smoker for years and with our recent trip away got 30 days clean under my belt. I know it's not always been great for me and contributed on occasion to less than ideal behaviours on my part, so I've still stayed away from the stash with no plans to currently go back.

The wife's happy as I've certainly been far more present, which is great, but I am certainly lacking for some easy dopamine hits.

To be honest I'm not sure it's (abstaining) everything I'd hoped as I'm still the same guy, just more aware and no longer spending my evenings in my self created cocoon. I kind of miss it but know that I can't be a casual smoker and I don't want to go back to what I was doing.

When in Santorini they had a big display of various pre-packaged Buds that caught my eye and I couldn't figure out what it was all about as weed is certainly illegal in Greece. Turns out they were the same thing, various CBD strains. No way was I gonna buy anything illegal on foreign soil regardless, but seeing all this pot for sale in a supermarket certainly got my attention.

Anyway, not certain what the point of my post here is, except to say I miss it but I really don't either. I don't want to be that guy anymore, I just kinda wish stopping provided some more immediate tangible (or intangible for that matter) benefits.

Gonna see PJ in a few weeks and will be straight, which is kinda confusing for me. Although spending that time with my family not stoned is something I really want to do now as well.

Its confusing. Shouldn't I at least get a merit certificate or something?

[tree_]

Its confusing. Shouldn't I at least get a merit certificate or something?

ha, yeah that part is also difficult.. like, nobody really knows except you, what you've actually accomplished

[washing machine]

Haven't had a drink since Nov 9th. Getting sick and going on antibiotics helped, but I've keeping it going.

Let's call it abstinence, since I plan on enjoying a glass of Beaujolais for Thanksgiving.

I've already been considering signing up for a big race in Spring 2025, and now I'm thinking the race training would be an extra nudge to keep the sipping to a minimum throughout the winter.