RM Court - AITA

[tree_]

Very sad reading about you guys having such limited contact with your families.

In my life it has been the opposite. Whoever has come into my life has left at some point, but never my family.

Yes, that’s the tragedy of it. And why it is so hard, and takes so long, to reach the “point of no return.”

Very sad. Trauma and mental illness run deep in my family. Two cousins, being brother and sister, and an uncle all committed suicide and many others struggle with addiction and coping with life at all. My mother and her sister were raped by their brothers in childhood. I am grateful to have turned out as well as I did.

[Anders]

Most important of all is your kids. Keep on giving them a good life.

[tree_]

Most important of all is your kids. Keep on giving them a good life.

dang right

[Alex]

Break the cycle, Brotato Chip.

[tree_]

I thought I'd get more pushback on this.

[Alex]

This is one topic where objectivity isn’t entirely helpful. I think most people would have to come from an emotionally abusive family to truly understand why it can be necessary to cut off all contact. I think people with healthy family dynamics, who haven’t been oppressed by a family member, can’t fathom the concept of cutting off contact. It would take an especially astute and empathetic person from a healthy family background to even begin to lend support to the idea.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

What’s the deal with your work and her coming to your office? Unprompted drop in?

Yeah, that pissed me off alone. She works here too. When people come in, it's for business, and I say "what can I do for you?" and quickly do that thing for them. She comes in the other day with puppy dog eyes trying to pry into why I might be mad at her, because her friend recommended she did, because apparently they were talking about it, and insisting and insisting there must be something I'm mad about... All of this alone got under my skin immediately and I handled it the best I could, but I did probably come off like an asshole to her.

Layers.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

for example, the way they say: "it must be hard to be married to her".. with all past context, we know what they are saying. We know them very well. They don't seem to appreciate how my life has actually vastly improved since I met her and started a family. They are jealous of her for taking me away from them and are reacting childishly.

I think most people have a partner, and anyone should expect you to get one, and for you to be «somewhat taken away from them». I don’t understand how they can be against her for that alone.

logic doesn't apply with them; they are driven by pain, confusion and disappointment. Some things she did or didn't do may have offended them in some way, but for unfair/unjust reasons.

Maybe it’s because she was arrested for assault?

that had nothing to do with them.. she's a lovely person who made one bad mistake... we have all, and particularly they, have made similar mistakes

Yes I love her too

[tree_]

What’s the deal with your work and her coming to your office? Unprompted drop in?

Yeah, that pissed me off alone. She works here too. When people come in, it's for business, and I say "what can I do for you?" and quickly do that thing for them. She comes in the other day with puppy dog eyes trying to pry into why I might be mad at her, because her friend recommended she did, because apparently they were talking about it, and insisting and insisting there must be something I'm mad about... All of this alone got under my skin immediately and I handled it the best I could, but I did probably come off like an asshole to her.

Layers.

Yes and beneath those layers is the fact that a few days ago when I came into work a couple hours late, due to a dentist appointment, somebody in the hall mentioned my sister was looking for me. And she sensed it made me angry. In the past a couple times she has reported to my mom when I didn't show up for work. Which admittedly isn't fair to my mom when she is watching the kids, and I haven't done it since. But it's still a rat move, IMO. Not something a friend would do.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

What’s the deal with your work and her coming to your office? Unprompted drop in?

Yeah, that pissed me off alone. She works here too. When people come in, it's for business, and I say "what can I do for you?" and quickly do that thing for them. She comes in the other day with puppy dog eyes trying to pry into why I might be mad at her, because her friend recommended she did, because apparently they were talking about it, and insisting and insisting there must be something I'm mad about... All of this alone got under my skin immediately and I handled it the best I could, but I did probably come off like an asshole to her.

Layers.

Yes and beneath those layers is the fact that a few days ago when I came into work a couple hours late, due to a dentist appointment, somebody in the hall mentioned my sister was looking for me. And she sensed it made me angry. In the past a couple times she has reported to my mom when I didn't show up for work. Which admittedly isn't fair to my mom when she is watching the kids, and I haven't done it since. But it's still a rat move, IMO. Not something a friend would do.

More layers

[Alex]

this shit’s a fuckin onion

[tree_]

it's Dune, basically

[Alex]

yeah, and, unfortunately, you’re the Harkonnens

[tree_]

i can see that

[lennytheweedwhacker]

So why did you hire your sister?

[tree_]

So why did you hire your sister?

I didn't. We are both employed by the same huge state facility. She works down the hall from me. Also, to eradicate what remains of House Atreides.

[Alex]

one must be reminded that th*doks and tree both come from backgrounds rife with neglect, drama, and criminality. yet while th*doks positions himself as a member of the new-money bourgeoisie, tree doggedly remains salt of the earth.

[tree_]

[BurtReynolds]

Maybe tree is just whipped

[Alex]

Maybe tree is just whipped

this, taken together with your mommy post, is pretty solid stuff.