Parents getting old

[96583UP]

My stepfather passed away this morning. I’ve known him for 31 years and he would’ve been married to my mom 24 years next week. It sucks losing two dads.

i’m so sorry, man

[Ello Sailor]

Sorry Spike.

[VinylGuy]

My stepfather passed away this morning. I’ve known him for 31 years and he would’ve been married to my mom 24 years next week. It sucks losing two dads.

sorry bud

stay strong

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[dad]

Sorry, Spike.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

I'm sorry to hear.

[Rangi Guy]

So sorry to hear that buddy

[wease]

Sorry, Spike.

[BurtReynolds]

Sorry to hear

[tommy]

Sorry spike

[Peeps]

my condolences Spike

[Monkey_Driven]

Give your mom all of the hugs. Sorry for your loss, Spike.

[B]

Guys, if your parents are getting old, get them to talk to an elder lawyer about plans and money.

Ms. B is states away with her brother dealing with their parents because her stepmother was the caregiver for her father with dementia. Well she had a stroke of her own, and now can't go home for probably a month. Ms. B and her brother are having to research nursing homes for her dad because her stepmom hadn't made so much as a phone call, and they're going to have to take their dad to a home which he will not like and will likely never come out of.

The amount of pettiness and uselessness of the whole family is truly mindboggling. On top of all they're doing, Ms. B and her brother are dealing with feeding and cleaning up after one uncle that came into town to hang out with her dad, one aunt that refused to come in to town and visit with stepmom b/c she lives 30 minutes away, and the fact that stepmom won't let them take dad's favorite chair to the nursing home b/c she likes it too.

Ms. B should have stayed home and just let me go deal with this shit.

[VinylGuy]

Yeah families are the worst. They usually rely on one member who does it all and it’s probably the one who gets less stuff.

I hate those situations.

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[doug rr]

sorry buddy...

[B]

Guys, if your parents are getting old, get them to talk to an elder lawyer about plans and money.

Ms. B is states away with her brother dealing with their parents because her stepmother was the caregiver for her father with dementia. Well she had a stroke of her own, and now can't go home for probably a month. Ms. B and her brother are having to research nursing homes for her dad because her stepmom hadn't made so much as a phone call, and they're going to have to take their dad to a home which he will not like and will likely never come out of.

The amount of pettiness and uselessness of the whole family is truly mindboggling. On top of all they're doing, Ms. B and her brother are dealing with feeding and cleaning up after one uncle that came into town to hang out with her dad, one aunt that refused to come in to town and visit with stepmom b/c she lives 30 minutes away, and the fact that stepmom won't let them take dad's favorite chair to the nursing home b/c she likes it too.

Ms. B should have stayed home and just let me go deal with this shit.

You can bring 'em to water, but...

I've been proactively trying to get my folks to work with an estate planning attorney so shit doesn't hit the fan down the road. Found one in their area through my personal network, she seems smart and the fee is reasonable, but she was understandably adamant that she won't do a thing unless my parents are reaching out to her and steering the conversation. They don't seem to be in any particular rush.

It's VERY hard to get your parents to do that planning. We've been actively hounding stepmom every since the stroke that gave her dad dementia, but she never would.

I DO know that I'm gonna drive up there and move that recliner to the nursing home while she's in rehab, and if she doesn't like it, she can go try to get it out herself.

[spike]

Sorry B and trag, it is frustrating. Even with all we went through with my stepdad, I’m not counting on my mom proactively doing further estate planning for herself. We’ll have to nudge that I’m sure.

My sis and I are also planning one last attempt at getting her to quit smoking, as we know that will make her even more stubborn about moving to a facility if or when the time comes. I’ve heard horror stories of old folks having to transition to care and go on the patch all at the same time - not a pretty sight.

B, I know that situation where you have to figure stuff out like nursing homes in real time and it sucks. Did a bit more of that a few days before my stepdad choked. There are senior care advisors out there that don’t cost anything and can be super helpful. The one I was working with in Wisconsin was called Oasis, not sure if they’re national.

[Biff Pocoroba]

Mom died the weekend between Mother’s Day and Memorial Day. Not expected but she was obviously slowing down the past six months or so. I remember wondering at Christmas if it was going to be her last one. She had lost weight, eating less and sleeping more. She didn’t wake up one morning, passing peacefully in her sleep in her bed in her house.
The folks’ house had a carport that I don’t ever recall seeing a bird there. The morning she died there was a cardinal hopping around on the carport. I don’t believe in “signs” but I noticed the symbolism.
Just starting the probate/legal process; long way to go.

[doug rr]

sorry biff