The New & Unproved Work/Job/Career Thread

[lennytheweedwhacker]

Can you mow the field at Bryant-Denney to make ends meet?

That is working. Stupid is stupid as you are

So it’s not stress but laziness you’re battling.

A little of both, and the mostly meaningless of it.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

[Simple Torture]

My wife had to fire someone last week—it’s the first time she’s ever had to let someone go for performance-based reasons—and when she went to clean out this person’s office today, they had left behind all of the gifts and things that my wife had given to them over the past year (like for Christmas, their birthday, their first day with the team). Fucking woof.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

My wife had to fire someone last week—it’s the first time she’s ever had to let someone go for performance-based reasons—and when she went to clean out this person’s office today, they had left behind all of the gifts and things that my wife had given to them over the past year (like for Christmas, their birthday, their first day with the team). Fucking woof.

She should re-wrap them and hand deliver to their home.

[bart]

Make them the poor performer gifts - once somebody in the office starts getting them, they know it’s time to get their shit together

[Jorge]

PIP (Performance Improvement Presents)

[LetMeSleep]

Colleagues made redundant.
My workload increased.
Fuck corporate continual growth.

[wease]

Oh damn, LMS. I guess it’s good you weren’t considered redundant, but that totally sucks about your workload.

[Bammer]

Make them the poor performer gifts - once somebody in the office starts getting them, they know it’s time to get their shit together

We have a desk like that in my office. It’s never been done intentionally but …. When someone is assigned that desk, it’s not long before they are outta here.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

Make them the poor performer gifts - once somebody in the office starts getting them, they know it’s time to get their shit together

We have a desk like that in my office. It’s never been done intentionally but …. When someone is assigned that desk, it’s not long before they are outta here.

Hire me.

[The Argonaut]

Good news for me, bad news for the board. My factory days are soon over. I'm leaving the factory later this month for another job. My new job will not be in a factory. Sorry to disappoint you all, I know how much you've liked the factory content

[dad]

Good news for me, bad news for the board. My factory days are soon over. I'm leaving the factory later this month for another job. My new job will not be in a factory. Sorry to disappoint you all, I know how much you've liked the factory content

congrats, argo!

what new job will you be doing?

[The Argonaut]

I return to the civil service, from whence I came. I'm going to have to wear a tie every day for the first time since 2017. Time to go tie shopping I guess

[dad]

I return to the civil service, from whence I came. I'm going to have to wear a tie every day for the first time since 2017. Time to go tie shopping I guess

hell yeah, pension daddy.

[BurtReynolds]

A crushing loss to the working class.

[pepperwhiteMFC]

Colleague is smitten with the promotional talent I hired a few years ago. It’s not unreasonable for me to expect that she should already be familiar with my product which is selling in her channel. And yet, she’s just not picking up on any of it. Her latest idea to learn our product and installation methods, is for me to set up a “happy hour” with said contractor so she can learn from him.

She’s obsessed with the guy and has conjured up a business reason to go out and drink with him is how I’m translating this. Except she needs it to be expensed on my cost center also?

Anytime I offer her a project to give her the proximity for learning from him she balks at the work. Work no, happy hour yes.

I can’t be plain spoken with her either. She’s already reported me to my boss for “making her cry.”

FML

[The Argonaut]

XLOOKUP saves my life once again, or at least saves my sanity.

Tomorrow is my last day at the factory. I have ten hours of shift left. When I had twelve hours of shift left, my bosses came to me and gave me about sixty hours of work. Checking the contents of one spreadsheet against another. Are any of these 300 documents listed in the spreadsheet of 3000 documents? They knew of no better way to do this than to assign it to a peon to go through line by line. A normal man would have died. But I am Excel man

It took me an hour to clean up the disgusting spreadsheet my boss had converted from a PDF into something workable and fifteen minutes to build a couple XLOOKUPs and IF/THENs and boom, job done.

XLOOKUP, I love you

[BurtReynolds]

Excel is the greatest skill one can learn in today's environment.

[dad]

make sure you poop on your boss's desk on the way out.

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.