I’m a m-diddly-urderer

[Chris_H_2]

So the guy next door is named Frank. Frank is an 87-year-old dick. He picks up sticks from his yard and throws them into mine. He never has his leaves raked and they blow into everyone else’s yards. One time his “partner” who is a 65-year old woman with jacked up teeth but is super nice (I still haven’t figured out what their deal is) got my kids something for Christmas, and when my kids went over to say thanks, Frank answered the door and told them to fuck off and slammed it (my kids were 10 and 8 at the time). I don’t like Frank.

Frank’s “partner” has been gone for a year in Singapore taking care of her 97-year old mom. Frank didn’t go with her. He never cut their grass or kept their yard up. And he was still a dick (he flipped my son off when my son waved and said hi about 6 months ago).

Frank doesn’t come out of his house much. My wife and I kept saying that maybe he’s dead. Nope. We’d still see him driving around the neighborhood about once every 6 weeks.

Today I was outside putting up Christmas lights. My wife parked out front and was walking from her car toward me. A fire engine and ambulance headed down our street. I said “please stop next door. Please stop next door.”

They stopped next door and Frank is dead. I’m pretty sure I manifested that, which makes me a murderer, right?

Happy Thanksgiving all.

[BurtReynolds]

RIP Frank

[wease]

It’s a Festivus miracle!

[tommy]

Congratulations on your lonely, old neighbor dying

[Dev]

You're a good story teller, chris. I hope your next neighbor is better.

[Chris_H_2]

Me too Dev.

We noticed there were piles of leaves raked in their yard. They were there for like a week. After Frank died I had my son go bag the leaves. I don’t them blowing into my yard when they’re inevitably left for weeks. My son thought I told him to do it to be kind. Kids can be so naive.

[spike]

and you never got to tell him off

[Chris_H_2]

living is the best revenge!

[BurtReynolds]

A fire engine and ambulance headed down our street. I said “please stop next door. Please stop next door.”

this took me awhile to understand. I thought you were literally telling them that, in which case you knew he was dead. Because you killed him.

How did they know to come?

[daft twat]

You’re going to wish he lived. Poor yard maintenance is a small price to pay for a neighbor that keeps to himself and occasionally tells kids to fuck off. 20 years from now, you and your kids will still be reminiscing and laughing about him.

[epilogue]

It's weird that my main takeaway from the story is that people are far too obsessed with lawns.

[tommy]

It's weird that my main takeaway from the story is that people are far too obsessed with lawns.

Very true.

[Jorge]

A fire engine and ambulance headed down our street. I said “please stop next door. Please stop next door.”

This is fucked up hahaha

[Jorge]

I wish for my elderly neighbor's death because he doesn't look after his lawn!

[Chris_H_2]

I wish for my elderly neighbor's death because he doesn't look after his lawn!

it worked!

[Jorge]

Funnily, not the first RMer who manifested their neighbor's death. Did you poke holes in their above ground pool?

[The Argonaut]

This is not your fault

[spike]

It’s like Chris wants the credit.

[Chris_H_2]

It’s a weird experience. It’s like your kid’s goldfish dying. Sad, but, c’mon …

[Anders]

Sounds like he was an interesting guy, but also kind of a dick.