Parents getting old

[wease]

That’s a good point you raise, spike. Upon first reading, my initial thought was FiL just froze. I hadn’t even considered the other possibility.

[tragabigzanda]

That’s awful, and pretty traumatic to witness. Glad someone was able to help. Did your FIL just not remember the proper technique, or was he like too weak to pull it off? Concerning stuff if it happens at home just the two of them.

Honestly, I think he was reluctant to do it too hard because he knew she's chew him out later for hurting her. It was weird, I was watching it happen and it was terrifying but at the same time I was thinking "dude, you have to want it."

It was very traumatic for my daughter; we went outside together after and were able to focus on coming back to the present moment through breathing; I'm generally trying to get her to understand a kid-sized concept of physical/emotional regulation, so it was good practice.

[spike]

That’s a good point you raise, spike. Upon first reading, my initial thought was FiL just froze. I hadn’t even considered the other possibility.

My Parkinson’s afflicted stepdad choked on food at home, long enough that that his brain couldn’t get enough oxygen, and he never woke up. My mom was there and tried to help, but I don’t really know if she was able to do enough. So trag is spot on that it’s a serious predicament.

[tragabigzanda]

That’s a good point you raise, spike. Upon first reading, my initial thought was FiL just froze. I hadn’t even considered the other possibility.

My Parkinson’s afflicted stepdad choked on food at home, long enough that that his brain couldn’t get enough oxygen, and he never woke up. My mom was there and tried to help, but I don’t really know if she was able to do enough. So trag is spot on that it’s a serious predicament.

Yes this stuff is in the back of my mind, probably more in the front of my wife's mind. Sorry spike.

[E.H. Ruddock]

Did anyone else at the table know how to do it? Sorry you had to go through that. Seeing someone choke is scary as hell. I did the heimlich once to a guy bigger than me. When he spit out whatever it was his wife gave him a look of “eww”. Was the weirdest thing. Ever since then I’ve been afraid of being home alone and choking. We bought one of those things that suctions over your nose and mouth and can pump out the obstruction. And you can use it on yourself.

[tragabigzanda]

Whoa I never heard of this device, I’ll look into it. Thanks man.

I did a class on heimlich and CPR when my wife was pregnant. It was like “ here’s how you do it for a baby, we’ll focus on that for the next hour. And then here’s two minutes on how to do it for a grownup.” So I don’t know that I feel qualified.

[E.H. Ruddock]

It’s called a life vac i think

[Peeps]

last weekend at the sushi place, my MiL started choking. She's had a rare lung condition for like 12 years now, and asphyxiation was long since flagged as something to monitor, so FiL learned how to do the Heimlich. But when the moment came, he couldn't make it happen, so I had to yell "Is there a doctor in the house?!" at the top of my lungs; some woman came and saved her life.

The vibes were bad after; I just know they've been bickering for the past week about how he couldn't pull it off. For my part, I'm scared to dine with her again. Traumatic and stressful. Both our parents aren't in decline exactly, but we're getting to the phase where it's always something...

that is scary as hell and glad it all worked out. I had a very similar experience with my grandmother though this is a much more devious and twisted end to the story

every other friday I would take my grandmother shopping and then out to lunch. we were sitting at a two seat table at wendys enjoying our food when she chocked for like 3 seconds. she looked at me and i looked at her and she saw the look of panic staring her straight in the face. she cleared her throat and resumed eating and told me dont worry i wouldnt choke while we are out.

i tell my mom later how im nervous now to take gram shopping for fear she die on my watch. mom must have told her mom this cause the very next time, we went out to eat she took a bite and looked at me and faked choke for a few seconds then started laughing at me.

if they ever did a dna test of where i get my twisted sense of humor from it definitely skipped a generation and went from gram to me

[tragabigzanda]

That’s funny. I hope I’m like that at 80, just fucking with people

[spike]

That’s a good point you raise, spike. Upon first reading, my initial thought was FiL just froze. I hadn’t even considered the other possibility.

My Parkinson’s afflicted stepdad choked on food at home, long enough that that his brain couldn’t get enough oxygen, and he never woke up. My mom was there and tried to help, but I don’t really know if she was able to do enough. So trag is spot on that it’s a serious predicament.

Yes this stuff is in the back of my mind, probably more in the front of my wife's mind. Sorry spike.

Sorry, not trying to freak you out. And yeah it was terrible, but the alternative was him living in a home with medical personnel around for such things, and neither he nor my mom wanted that. I knew we were living on the edge at the time. That’s just life, weighing variables and making what seems like the best choice for those most affected.

[Peeps]

not to get too philosophical or anything

but there is a fine line of what you think is best for your parents and what they think is best for them. It can be hard for people to give way their dignity especially the older generation (which i am approaching) and they would like to live out their days as they always have. Most also do not want to be a burden on their kids or anyone else so they let the cards fall where they may.

I get wanting to take care of your parents and making sure they are ok but I also understand letting them have their dignity and independence

[spike]

Exactly, Jer Bear.

We need to treat the elderly with more respect than they’ve been granted in recent times. Shoving them into homes isn’t right.

That being said, there does come a point where it becomes a nearly impossible situation for the kids and more care is required. Sandwich generation, etc.

Just gotta do what feels right in each unique situation and continue to assess. There’s never a perfect answer.

[Peeps]

Exactly, Jer Bear.

We need to treat the elderly with more respect than they’ve been granted in recent times. Shoving them into homes isn’t right.

That being said, there does come a point where it becomes a nearly impossible situation for the kids and more care is required. Sandwich generation, etc.

Just gotta do what feels right in each unique situation and continue to assess. There’s never a perfect answer.

i think it also is along of the lines as a teenager your parents would tell you to do something because it was in your best interest. and you fought like hell against because you control your own life.

now its pay back time bitches.....

[E.H. Ruddock]

There was a point recently where my wife and I really considered buying her childhood home from her parents and moving to Connecticut (the heart of New England). A few factors kept us from doing that, mostly loving the city we are in but also her parents, in their 80s, don't want to leave. They have two acres and still maintain the landscaping themselves. They are stubborn, MiL is almost blind and can't drive, and the house is big enough to have raised 4 kids there. But we didn't want to fight with them, and neither did the other siblings. Now that we've downsized a bit, I think her parents are hearing how much we enjoy having less to take care of and maybe rethinking. We are past the point of wanting to go up there, but still hope they would get into something more manageable.

[wease]

That makes sense. Papa Wease just spent the last couple of years on renovations to their house to make it where they could basically do everything on just the one, main level of the house. Yeah, they still have the 2nd floor and basement but they don’t have to go really use either for any kind of daily routines.

[tragabigzanda]

this boomer trip of "We need three extra bedrooms in case all our kids show up" is making me crazy

[E.H. Ruddock]

this boomer trip of "We need three extra bedrooms in case all our kids show up" is making me crazy

Hell this was a talking point when we were buying our new house. The daily household went from 3 kids to one, with one of the others home for summers and holidays. My wife was worried they'd be mad about losing their rooms for when they come home, which is once a year. The middle one graduates college next spring and has decided to take a gap year before law school. I think once my wife realized that could mean her living with us in the older, larger house, she was all in on the newer smaller one.

[tragabigzanda]

this boomer trip of "We need three extra bedrooms in case all our kids show up" is making me crazy

Hell this was a talking point when we were buying our new house. The daily household went from 3 kids to one, with one of the others home for summers and holidays. My wife was worried they'd be mad about losing their rooms for when they come home, which is once a year. The middle one graduates college next spring and has decided to take a gap year before law school. I think once my wife realized that could mean her living with us in the older, larger house, she was all in on the newer smaller one.

That's the smart choice! When we bought our place, we hemmed and hawed over having an additional bedroom. Finally we were like "What if we just don't have visitors stay with us any more?" It immediately felt right and we never looked back.

[Simple Torture]

Last week my mother texted me and my siblings saying she couldn't get in touch with my dad (she was at their vacation house in NH, he was in MA), so we all tried calling him. No one had heard from him all day. I tried first and couldn't get in touch with him. None of my siblings could either. One of my brothers and my uncle started driving over there. My dad has had some bad back issues recently and had a hip replaced last year, so we were really worried he had fallen and couldn't get up. But of course in the back of my mind is that his dad and brother both died suddenly with heart issues in their 60s, and my dad is in his 70s, so I know he thinks he's basically living on borrowed time. We were all waiting patiently to see whether we'd hear from him or if my brother/uncle would get there first and find him.

He called my mother. He had fallen asleep outside on the porch and left his phone inside. Jesus fucking Christ.

[Peeps]

Last week my mother texted me and my siblings saying she couldn't get in touch with my dad (she was at their vacation house in NH, he was in MA), so we all tried calling him. No one had heard from him all day. I tried first and couldn't get in touch with him. None of my siblings could either. One of my brothers and my uncle started driving over there. My dad has had some bad back issues recently and had a hip replaced last year, so we were really worried he had fallen and couldn't get up. But of course in the back of my mind is that his dad and brother both died suddenly with heart issues in their 60s, and my dad is in his 70s, so I know he thinks he's basically living on borrowed time. We were all waiting patiently to see whether we'd hear from him or if my brother/uncle would get there first and find him.

He called my mother. He had fallen asleep outside on the porch and left his phone inside. Jesus fucking Christ.

who knew me and your dad had something in common (hip replacement)

there comes a point in your life when you reach a certain age and your parents reach a certain age that you get immediate anxiety when you see a call from them. Mine was whenever they would call me while i was working. I immediately thought something happened to my mom or my stepfather. I had to explain to them the only reason to call me during work is if someone was going to the hospital or a similar emergency. calling me to say the tv station audio is in spanish is not a reason to call me

years after my moms passing my brother was laid up in the hospital from a major surgery. i called him to check on him and he was doing good. he then asked if i had talked to our stepfather. I said no why whats up? he told my brother he had a small accident but was ok. just fell down the steps a bit.

I immediately called him and had to drag it out of him. I again gave a choice of he calls an ambulance or i do. i left work and luckily i lived like 10 minutes at most from our place and i get there and he already looks like a raccoon. turns out he fell from the top step down to the front door. broken nose and bruised ribs and he was 85ish at the time

geesh