Gigaton: Official album thread

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 7:52 pm

Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:There will be a no-holds-barred MMA fight to commemorate Vs. The utimate fighter will win a set of 5 Vs. posters. The runners-up will receive 1 each.
Somewhere in PJ Headquarters, this just got added to their master list.

To commemorate Vitalogy, they will concoct dozens of "remedies" from the 1800's to sell to Ten Club members everywhere. 98% of them will be fatal, but if you get one of the ones that isn't you get entered into a raffle to win a chance to bid on a copy of Benaroya Hall on vinyl.

To commemorate No Code, there will be a virtual "safe" that needs unlocking in order to access a set of posters. The combinations needed to uncrack the safe will be included on baseball cards that come free with special editions of the No Code album (one card per album).

Lament · Post by **Lament** » Sat November 16, 2013 7:55 pm

For Yield, you will have to steal a Yield sign and mail it to them with a description of the location you stole it from, how busy that intersection is, and how many accidents its absence has caused. Most/deadliest accidents wins you a VHS of Single Video Theory. If you find a VCR and watch it through to the end, there will be a special message about how to potentially buy a limited edition MunkOne mailbox inspired by the mailboxes in the Yield artwork.

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 8:06 pm

Lament wrote:For Yield, you will have to steal a Yield sign and mail it to them with a description of the location you stole it from, how busy that intersection is, and how many accidents its absence has caused. Most/deadliest accidents wins you a VHS of Single Video Theory. If you find a VCR and watch it through to the end, there will be a special message about how to potentially buy a limited edition MunkOne mailbox inspired by the mailboxes in the Yield artwork.

For Binaural, you will be given an exam, whilst hooked up to a monitor which will record your results and publish them in real-time on pearljam.com. This exam will test your ability to hear (and become aroused) binaurally. Tim Bierman will make strange sex noises into the right ear, and Kat will make similar into the left. If the 10C come away from the examination process with the results they wanted (which make Pearl Jam the most money for their contributions to sex-and-sonics research) you will win a set of 2 posters. The images on these posters can only be revealed when a warm ear is placed and held against the paper for 10 minutes each.

dimejinky99 · Post by **dimejinky99** » Sat November 16, 2013 8:09 pm

They did all this with No Code. Duhhhhhh

hlniv · Post by **hlniv** » Sat November 16, 2013 9:09 pm

This thread is really special

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 9:11 pm

I'm waiting for Lament to do Riot Act.

Mine · Post by **Mine** » Sat November 16, 2013 10:59 pm

harmless wrote:
Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:There will be a no-holds-barred MMA fight to commemorate Vs. The utimate fighter will win a set of 5 Vs. posters. The runners-up will receive 1 each.
Somewhere in PJ Headquarters, this just got added to their master list.

To commemorate Vitalogy, they will concoct dozens of "remedies" from the 1800's to sell to Ten Club members everywhere. 98% of them will be fatal, but if you get one of the ones that isn't you get entered into a raffle to win a chance to bid on a copy of Benaroya Hall on vinyl.
To commemorate No Code, there will be a virtual "safe" that needs unlocking in order to access a set of posters. The combinations needed to uncrack the safe will be included on baseball cards that come free with special editions of the No Code album (one card per album).

commemorate No Code, that's funny

Mine · Post by **Mine** » Sat November 16, 2013 10:59 pm

theplatypus wrote:Mine really really really hates RM speculation.

that's pure speculation right there

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 11:01 pm

Mine wrote:
harmless wrote:
Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:There will be a no-holds-barred MMA fight to commemorate Vs. The utimate fighter will win a set of 5 Vs. posters. The runners-up will receive 1 each.
Somewhere in PJ Headquarters, this just got added to their master list.

To commemorate Vitalogy, they will concoct dozens of "remedies" from the 1800's to sell to Ten Club members everywhere. 98% of them will be fatal, but if you get one of the ones that isn't you get entered into a raffle to win a chance to bid on a copy of Benaroya Hall on vinyl.
To commemorate No Code, there will be a virtual "safe" that needs unlocking in order to access a set of posters. The combinations needed to uncrack the safe will be included on baseball cards that come free with special editions of the No Code album (one card per album).
commemorate No Code, that's funny

Why that bit in particular? I was hoping the rest would be funnier.

Mine · Post by **Mine** » Sat November 16, 2013 11:04 pm

harmless wrote:
Mine wrote:
harmless wrote:
Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:There will be a no-holds-barred MMA fight to commemorate Vs. The utimate fighter will win a set of 5 Vs. posters. The runners-up will receive 1 each.
Somewhere in PJ Headquarters, this just got added to their master list.

To commemorate Vitalogy, they will concoct dozens of "remedies" from the 1800's to sell to Ten Club members everywhere. 98% of them will be fatal, but if you get one of the ones that isn't you get entered into a raffle to win a chance to bid on a copy of Benaroya Hall on vinyl.
To commemorate No Code, there will be a virtual "safe" that needs unlocking in order to access a set of posters. The combinations needed to uncrack the safe will be included on baseball cards that come free with special editions of the No Code album (one card per album).
commemorate No Code, that's funny
Why that bit in particular? I was hoping the rest would be funnier.

It's just the notion of PJ commemorating No Code that it's funny.

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 11:07 pm

Mine wrote:
harmless wrote:
Mine wrote:
harmless wrote:
Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:There will be a no-holds-barred MMA fight to commemorate Vs. The utimate fighter will win a set of 5 Vs. posters. The runners-up will receive 1 each.
Somewhere in PJ Headquarters, this just got added to their master list.

To commemorate Vitalogy, they will concoct dozens of "remedies" from the 1800's to sell to Ten Club members everywhere. 98% of them will be fatal, but if you get one of the ones that isn't you get entered into a raffle to win a chance to bid on a copy of Benaroya Hall on vinyl.
To commemorate No Code, there will be a virtual "safe" that needs unlocking in order to access a set of posters. The combinations needed to uncrack the safe will be included on baseball cards that come free with special editions of the No Code album (one card per album).
commemorate No Code, that's funny
Why that bit in particular? I was hoping the rest would be funnier.
It's just the notion of PJ commemorating No Code that it's funny.

Oh, I see. Yeah that is funny

Lament · Post by **Lament** » Sat November 16, 2013 11:25 pm

harmless wrote:For Binaural, you will be given an exam, whilst hooked up to a monitor which will record your results and publish them in real-time on pearljam.com. This exam will test your ability to hear (and become aroused) binaurally. Tim Bierman will make strange sex noises into the right ear, and Kat will make similar into the left. If the 10C come away from the examination process with the results they wanted (which make Pearl Jam the most money for their contributions to sex-and-sonics research) you will win a set of 2 posters. The images on these posters can only be revealed when a warm ear is placed and held against the paper for 10 minutes each.

For Riot Act, whoever can dig up a loved one's skeletal remains and prop them up in the most interesting position/location will win a one of a kind, Ames Bros. prosthetic thumb with Ed's signature on it and the inscription "Thumbing my way..." on it. Runner-ups will receive a Mike McCready shaped mug which is not half-empty, but rather half-full of (literal) shit.

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sat November 16, 2013 11:44 pm

Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:For Binaural, you will be given an exam, whilst hooked up to a monitor which will record your results and publish them in real-time on pearljam.com. This exam will test your ability to hear (and become aroused) binaurally. Tim Bierman will make strange sex noises into the right ear, and Kat will make similar into the left. If the 10C come away from the examination process with the results they wanted (which make Pearl Jam the most money for their contributions to sex-and-sonics research) you will win a set of 2 posters. The images on these posters can only be revealed when a warm ear is placed and held against the paper for 10 minutes each.
For Riot Act, whoever can dig up a loved one's skeletal remains and prop them up in the most interesting position/location will win a one of a kind, Ames Bros. prosthetic thumb with Ed's signature on it and the inscription "Thumbing my way..." on it. Runner-ups will receive a Mike McCready shaped mug which is not half-empty, but rather half-full of (literal) shit.

The competition to commemorate Self-titled will be the "logical extension" of that which commemorated Riot Act, except that the runners-up will receive not a thumb but an entire severed hand. The ultimate winner will receive the zombie-body of the Pearl Jam member of their choice plus a year's supply of avocados, and natural blue pigment made from the dust on the surface of butterfly wings.

Lament · Post by **Lament** » Sun November 17, 2013 12:05 am

harmless wrote:The competition to commemorate Self-titled will be the "logical extension" of that which commemorated Riot Act, except that the runners-up will receive not a thumb but an entire severed hand. The ultimate winner will receive the zombie-body of the Pearl Jam member of their choice plus a year's supply of avocados, and natural blue pigment made from the dust on the surface of butterfly wings.

The Backspacer contest involves taking your own poop, and trying to "dress it up" in the best way possible. The person who can present their poop in a way where it least appears to be poop from a distance wins a drum lesson from Matt in outer space. You have to pay for your own Special Ten Club Astronaut Suit though. Runners up receive signed and numbered copies of the groundbreaking stip essay "Put a Little 'Citin On It: Re-Evaluating The Fixer & What it Means in a Post-Obama America."

Post by **Sgt. Crackpot** » Sun November 17, 2013 1:33 am

Lament wrote:
harmless wrote:The competition to commemorate Self-titled will be the "logical extension" of that which commemorated Riot Act, except that the runners-up will receive not a thumb but an entire severed hand. The ultimate winner will receive the zombie-body of the Pearl Jam member of their choice plus a year's supply of avocados, and natural blue pigment made from the dust on the surface of butterfly wings.
The Backspacer contest involves taking your own poop, and trying to "dress it up" in the best way possible. The person who can present their poop in a way where it least appears to be poop from a distance wins a drum lesson from Matt in outer space. You have to pay for your own Special Ten Club Astronaut Suit though. Runners up receive signed and numbered copies of the groundbreaking stip essay "Put a Little 'Citin On It: Re-Evaluating The Fixer & What it Means in a Post-Obama America."

You can't polish a turd, but you can put glitter on it.

Post by **stip** » Sun November 17, 2013 2:08 am

In a special partnership between 10c and God, Lightning Bolt will be commemorated by the rapture. The first person to find the dog will win salvation, a special limited edition lightning bolt vinyl with every song rerecorded by Brendan O'Brien on a toy piano, and the ashes of Mother Love Bone.

Lament · Post by **Lament** » Sun November 17, 2013 2:25 am

stip wrote:the ashes of Mother Love Bone.

If you plant them and water them properly, you can grow your own Pearl Jam in the afterlife.

harmless · Post by **harmless** » Sun November 17, 2013 10:22 am

What a perfectly appropriate ending, gentleman.

Post by **stip** » Sun November 17, 2013 10:41 am

Lament wrote:
stip wrote:the ashes of Mother Love Bone.
If you plant them and water them properly, you can grow your own Pearl Jam in the afterlife.

As an aside there is a lyric in an Amanda Palmer song that I really love: no ones ever gone forever/they are caught inside your heart/ if you garden them and water them/ they make you who you are

Your post was both amusing and recalled that lyric for me. There was something for everyone, and two things for me

Lament · Post by **Lament** » Sun November 17, 2013 10:46 am

I suppose in a way, the ashes of Mother Love Bone are in each of us, huh?

Makes the harmless quote in my signature all the more profound.

Red Mosquito

Gigaton: Official album thread

Early Impressions

Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.