Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

[Anders]

The original trilogy is my Pearl Jam of the movies. Amazing. Seen them probably 15 times.

LOl at only 15.

Ive probably seen the Original Gangstas about 100 each. Watched em this weekend too!

I'm impressed.

[Strat]

The original trilogy is my Pearl Jam of the movies. Amazing. Seen them probably 15 times.

LOl at only 15.

Ive probably seen the Original Gangstas about 100 each. Watched em this weekend too!

I'm impressed.

Dont be. I still know jack shit compared to Dime and McP!

[dimejinky99]

I didn't read the last few pages.

Long posts. Stop over analysisng Star Wars yis fucks!!

All we need from the next ones is to be even a bit awesome. They will be. Can't be worse than the prequels.

Though strangely, a new hope isn't all that great either. All about ESB and Jedi.
Nothing in any of these films looks as amazing as that final battle around the new Death Star at the end of Jedi. All models. All handmade. All brilliant layered camera work.
Abrams should get back to that.

I wanna watch empire now.

[dimejinky99]

Strange factoid.

There is no paper in the Star Wars universe.

[BurtReynolds]

I was thinking of the arc from ep 1 through 6. Which good villain wouldn't want total control of the galaxy?

well sure he's just the devil, which is all that's required of him in the originals. his story is summed up in a couple of lines of dialogue. it's hardly fantastic and there is no arc to him at all.

the prequels attempt to show how he did it, and does a terrible job of it. his plan seems to be:

1. be born into an irrational universe full of idiots.
2. do some random evil stuff, even when the evil stuff works against other evil stuff, because evil.
3. win

it only seems to work because... well I don't know why. it just does. it even seems to work in spite of him sometimes. luckily for him, the jedi are so completely inept he could have just sat out the first movie altogether and it wouldn't have mattered.

Everything that happens is because of him. That's the whole story. He runs both sides of the war completely. Until finally he uses the chaos to kill the Jedi, and use the droids and the clones to control the galaxy for 20-30 years.

Its like saying "God did it" to every question. Its utterly pointless and boring. We are told he is this evil genius who takes over the world, but never shown it (which is what the prequels intended to do). His master plan is so esoteric, so inscrutable, and so poorly explained, that you never get the sense that he is orchestrating anything, except for the fact you are told this (i guess? is that even a sure thing?). Pretty much anything he does, or for that matter anything anyone in the movie does, can simply be explained away as "everything happens because of him". Sea monster eats other sea monster? Happens because of him. Jar Jar shows up? Happens because of him. Jedi escape death, sneak onto planet, find underwater city, travel through the center of the planet, escape city, get through blockade, lose warp drive, find warpdrive, plan pointless bet, cheat, escape to Coruscant, return to Naboo, win battle...? Happens because of him.

So his plan is to get the Trade Federation to blockade Naboo (despite that being the opposite of what they would do), and tell the trade dudes to kill the jedi (even though killing them would be counterproductive), because he knows they will escape and get back to the capital to tell the senate (when they could just go back to the senate if they still had a ship), have them stop by Tatooine and pick up Anekin, where he sends Maul to kill them (even though, again, he really doesn't want him to kill them because that would ruin his plan), but then has the senate ignore them anyway, because he wants them to, so he can have the queen call for a vote, because only she can apparently, and make him Chancellor. or something.

Tell me how he couldn't have just let the Jedi see everything, let them go back, and tell the Trade Federation he'd take care of it? Why does he keep trying to kill the people he is using to expose whats happening on Naboo? Why doesn't he just send for the Queen himself? The Trade dudes are too terrified of him to say no. What does he even need her for anyway? No one else can call a vote of no confidence except teenage queens of backwater planets?

The only way any of this makes sense is if he is so in control of everything in the galaxy, that he can only get enjoyment out of making things purposefully more complicated. the whole movie is just him screwing around.

He's not brilliant. He's not powerful. There is no master plan. he's just blessed to have whatever happens work out for him, and then after the fact he says "yep. all part of the plan!" how is that interesting?

Long posts. Stop over analysisng Star Wars yis fucks!!

this isn't overanalyzing. This is just base level plot points, here. One could become aware of these problems from simply being comatose in a hospital room while this movie plays on the TV in the background. I don't dare actually analyze it. That would would be an unending spiral into madness.

[dimejinky99]

That's the longest post about Phantom menace I've ever seen.

It doesn't deserve your time.

[BurtReynolds]

That's the longest post about Phantom menace I've ever seen.

It doesn't deserve your time.

But it does! I see the truth now. You can't accidentally make a movie like Phantom Menace. You must plan something like this out. You have to iterate on it. Scrub any logic from it. If there is ever a sequence longer than thirty seconds that makes sense, rework it until it doesn't. I'm starting to see the real meaning behind it.

I'm glad I've decided to analyze this movie now, I see the truth. i am in no way going mad.

[McParadigm]

That's the longest post about Phantom menace I've ever seen.

It doesn't deserve your time.

That's not true. If it were really not worth our time, everybody else would have pointed that out and discussed it, and then you would have come in a week after the fact to say it like it was news.

[stip]

phantom menace and the prequels as a whole actually made me like star wars a lot less, which is their biggest crime. A sub par Indy IV didn't take anything away from the original 3 films.

[stip]

That's the longest post about Phantom menace I've ever seen.

It doesn't deserve your time.

That's not true. If it were really not worth our time, everybody else would have pointed that out and discussed it, and then you would have come in a week after the fact to say it like it was news.

[stip]

i may go watch the red letter media review of the phantom menace

[Anders]

I actually think that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is the worst of the movies mentioned.

Phantom Menace has several problems, and isn't a great movie by any means, but it's fairly logical, somewhat entertaining, and is technically and artfully well made with some fine acting.

[BurtReynolds]

why are you doing this? do I know you? have I wronged you in some way? I'm sorry. please stop this.

[Anders]

Hehe, ok.

[darth_vedder]

phantom menace and the prequels as a whole actually made me like star wars a lot less, which is their biggest crime. A sub par Indy IV didn't take anything away from the original 3 films.

This!

These damn films made me hate something I grew up loving. They are three of the absolute worst movies ever made, and because of them, I don't ever feel like re-watching the OT. I never thought I'd get bored with / hate SW, but the prequels pretty much ruined it for me. I have small hopes for VII, but I'm not counting on it restoring my faith in the movies. At this point, a nostalgic ham fest (the re-use of the millennium falcon for example) would be better than anything the prequels served up.

[darth_vedder]

Oh, I guess I still may give the saga one more go via the machete order, where you watch in this order: IV, V, II, III, VI. Episode I is eliminated all together.

I kinda did this by watching 3 then 6 and the two films have nice parallels, and somewhat flow together.

http://static.nomachetejuggling.com/machete_order.html

[McParadigm]

i may go watch the red letter media review of the phantom menace

Honestly, I'm sort of glad the prequels exist just so those reviews could happen.

[lowlight79]

I was thinking of the arc from ep 1 through 6. Which good villain wouldn't want total control of the galaxy?

well sure he's just the devil, which is all that's required of him in the originals. his story is summed up in a couple of lines of dialogue. it's hardly fantastic and there is no arc to him at all.

the prequels attempt to show how he did it, and does a terrible job of it. his plan seems to be:

1. be born into an irrational universe full of idiots.
2. do some random evil stuff, even when the evil stuff works against other evil stuff, because evil.
3. win

it only seems to work because... well I don't know why. it just does. it even seems to work in spite of him sometimes. luckily for him, the jedi are so completely inept he could have just sat out the first movie altogether and it wouldn't have mattered.

Everything that happens is because of him. That's the whole story. He runs both sides of the war completely. Until finally he uses the chaos to kill the Jedi, and use the droids and the clones to control the galaxy for 20-30 years.

Its like saying "God did it" to every question. Its utterly pointless and boring. We are told he is this evil genius who takes over the world, but never shown it (which is what the prequels intended to do). His master plan is so esoteric, so inscrutable, and so poorly explained, that you never get the sense that he is orchestrating anything, except for the fact you are told this (i guess? is that even a sure thing?). Pretty much anything he does, or for that matter anything anyone in the movie does, can simply be explained away as "everything happens because of him". Sea monster eats other sea monster? Happens because of him. Jar Jar shows up? Happens because of him. Jedi escape death, sneak onto planet, find underwater city, travel through the center of the planet, escape city, get through blockade, lose warp drive, find warpdrive, plan pointless bet, cheat, escape to Coruscant, return to Naboo, win battle...? Happens because of him.

So his plan is to get the Trade Federation to blockade Naboo (despite that being the opposite of what they would do), and tell the trade dudes to kill the jedi (even though killing them would be counterproductive), because he knows they will escape and get back to the capital to tell the senate (when they could just go back to the senate if they still had a ship), have them stop by Tatooine and pick up Anekin, where he sends Maul to kill them (even though, again, he really doesn't want him to kill them because that would ruin his plan), but then has the senate ignore them anyway, because he wants them to, so he can have the queen call for a vote, because only she can apparently, and make him Chancellor. or something.

Tell me how he couldn't have just let the Jedi see everything, let them go back, and tell the Trade Federation he'd take care of it? Why does he keep trying to kill the people he is using to expose whats happening on Naboo? Why doesn't he just send for the Queen himself? The Trade dudes are too terrified of him to say no. What does he even need her for anyway? No one else can call a vote of no confidence except teenage queens of backwater planets?

The only way any of this makes sense is if he is so in control of everything in the galaxy, that he can only get enjoyment out of making things purposefully more complicated. the whole movie is just him screwing around.

He's not brilliant. He's not powerful. There is no master plan. he's just blessed to have whatever happens work out for him, and then after the fact he says "yep. all part of the plan!" how is that interesting?

Long posts. Stop over analysisng Star Wars yis fucks!!

this isn't overanalyzing. This is just base level plot points, here. One could become aware of these problems from simply being comatose in a hospital room while this movie plays on the TV in the background. I don't dare actually analyze it. That would would be an unending spiral into madness.

I want burt to have his own thread breaking movies down.

[Jorge]

That sounds terrible.

[Alex]

i would love to watch burtreynolds line the bed of his f-250 with bags of sparks energy drinks