Has this not already happened?bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
Gigaton: Official album thread
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
RisingTides wrote:There is more kindness on the internet than we would care to admit to ourselves. Sometimes we are so afraid of falling victim to a ruse, we miss out on actual opportunities.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Maybe it hasharmless wrote:Has this not already happened?bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
Every time they say 'we're heading into the studio' they're really saying 'we're giving bo'b a call to find out what's taking him so long'.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
stupidmop wrote:Maybe it hasharmless wrote:Has this not already happened?bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
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Every time they say 'we're heading into the studio' they're really saying 'we're giving bo'b a call to find out what's taking him so long'.
RisingTides wrote:There is more kindness on the internet than we would care to admit to ourselves. Sometimes we are so afraid of falling victim to a ruse, we miss out on actual opportunities.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
we need a brass section, already
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
I just laughed aloud at this and the Somalian dude next to me at the airport gave me a weird lookEd's lyrics will suck even more too. this next round will feature one song who's lyrics consist solely of ed shouting out the names of objects he is viewing in the recording studio at that exact moment: "microphone! vooooluuuume sliiidy knoooob thiiiiings! stone's foot! myyyyy finger paaaaintiiiing set! Matt's kid! Breeendan O'Brieeen's chauffeuuuuuur!!!"
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
How amazing would "Speed Of Sound" be at a laser light show?
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
he never understood why Ed would rather starve than eat his breadhlniv wrote:
I just laughed aloud at this and the Somalian dude next to me at the airport gave me a weird look
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
So, earlier in this thread I claimed I could write a review of the 11th album that was longer than stip's Lightning Bolt review. I thought I was joking, but last night I was visited by my future self. He appeared at the foot of my bed, startling me at first before I realized I was staring at a slightly older version of myself, at which point I was beyond fucking terrified. My future self assured me that I had little to fear, and then laughed and said "Just kidding. Your life is still fucking terrible. But you've also still got cool hair and a sharp wardrobe, so it's pretty much a wash. Oh, and Aubrey Plaza is the biggest star on the planet, so there's no shortage of movies of hers to watch. The flipside though is that most of them are awful. But you don't care, cause it's Aubrey Plaza."
As I recovered from the shock of what was happening, I desperately tried to convince myself to give me more insight into the next several years. I wanted to be warned of mistakes I might make, people I should avoid. I pleaded for insight as to how I could improve my future based on things he found himself regretting, but alas, he was steadfast in his refusal to shed any more light on the coming years. Exasperated, I asked my future self why he was even here in my room.
"You once claimed you would write a review of the 11th Pearl Jam album that would longer than stip's Lightning Bolt review," my future self said.
"Aw, c'mon," I replied. "I was just joking around. I could never write a fake review for an album that doesn't exist. I mean, my life is sad, but it's not THAT sad."
"This is true. But you CAN write a review for an album that DOES exist. Or at least, I can."
"What do you mean, future self?" I asked.
He handed me a thumb drive and instructed me not to look at what was on it until he left.
"There is some regret in giving this to you, though," future Lament said with a pained expression on his face. "It turns out that, even having heard this album, I cannot write a review as inexplicably long as the one written by Senator Stip."
"Senator Stip? Wait, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE?"
"You'll see, past self. You'll see," future Lament smugly replied as he turned to walk out of the room, before pausing and speaking once more. "Oh. One other thing, he said, "If you guys ever have kids, and one of them, when he's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him."
"That's not funny," I snapped back.
"It kinda is. And you kinda knew it was coming. God, I hate you so much sometimes. But...you kinda know that already."
"Please! Tell me anything else you can tell me! I need to know what the future holds!" I wailed, not wanting to blow this once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Alright. I'll tell you more thing about 2019. Jay Cutler still sucks."
"You're an asshole. Go back to the future, dick."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Go back to watching The Office on your laptop, loser," future Lament said with a dismissive grin on his face as he turned and vanished back into the darkness from whence he appeared.
I looked in my hand at the thumbdrive he gave me, still unsure of how to process everything that had just taken place. I slipped it into my laptop to see what was on it. Opening the folder, I found a single file, a word document simply saved under the name "PJEleven." I opened it up and read it. It was the review I promised to write for the eleventh Pearl Jam album, straight from the week it was released. At first I wondered if I even wanted to read it, but curiosity got the best of me. But I'll say no more and let you guys read for yourselves. I'll spoiler it for those who don't want to have their judgment of the album tainted by preconceived notions, but for everyone who reads it, I hope future Lament hasn't let you down the way I assume he will ultimately let me down (though that's a whole 'nother story). So, without further ado, I give you...
The first full-length review of the eleventh Pearl Jam album.
As I recovered from the shock of what was happening, I desperately tried to convince myself to give me more insight into the next several years. I wanted to be warned of mistakes I might make, people I should avoid. I pleaded for insight as to how I could improve my future based on things he found himself regretting, but alas, he was steadfast in his refusal to shed any more light on the coming years. Exasperated, I asked my future self why he was even here in my room.
"You once claimed you would write a review of the 11th Pearl Jam album that would longer than stip's Lightning Bolt review," my future self said.
"Aw, c'mon," I replied. "I was just joking around. I could never write a fake review for an album that doesn't exist. I mean, my life is sad, but it's not THAT sad."
"This is true. But you CAN write a review for an album that DOES exist. Or at least, I can."
"What do you mean, future self?" I asked.
He handed me a thumb drive and instructed me not to look at what was on it until he left.
"There is some regret in giving this to you, though," future Lament said with a pained expression on his face. "It turns out that, even having heard this album, I cannot write a review as inexplicably long as the one written by Senator Stip."
"Senator Stip? Wait, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE?"
"You'll see, past self. You'll see," future Lament smugly replied as he turned to walk out of the room, before pausing and speaking once more. "Oh. One other thing, he said, "If you guys ever have kids, and one of them, when he's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him."
"That's not funny," I snapped back.
"It kinda is. And you kinda knew it was coming. God, I hate you so much sometimes. But...you kinda know that already."
"Please! Tell me anything else you can tell me! I need to know what the future holds!" I wailed, not wanting to blow this once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Alright. I'll tell you more thing about 2019. Jay Cutler still sucks."
"You're an asshole. Go back to the future, dick."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Go back to watching The Office on your laptop, loser," future Lament said with a dismissive grin on his face as he turned and vanished back into the darkness from whence he appeared.
I looked in my hand at the thumbdrive he gave me, still unsure of how to process everything that had just taken place. I slipped it into my laptop to see what was on it. Opening the folder, I found a single file, a word document simply saved under the name "PJEleven." I opened it up and read it. It was the review I promised to write for the eleventh Pearl Jam album, straight from the week it was released. At first I wondered if I even wanted to read it, but curiosity got the best of me. But I'll say no more and let you guys read for yourselves. I'll spoiler it for those who don't want to have their judgment of the album tainted by preconceived notions, but for everyone who reads it, I hope future Lament hasn't let you down the way I assume he will ultimately let me down (though that's a whole 'nother story). So, without further ado, I give you...
The first full-length review of the eleventh Pearl Jam album.
- Spoiler: show
TEAM HARMLESS FOREVER...
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Mother of god... this is.. amazing. Time travel.. news from the future.. a new album..

it's just phenom-
Wait. WE HAVE TO WAIT 5 FUCKING YEARS?!?!


it's just phenom-
Wait. WE HAVE TO WAIT 5 FUCKING YEARS?!?!

Rangi Guy wrote:So skating back to the train station after work today things went wrong.....now my skateboard is at the bottom of the harbour
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Well done Lament. I'm exhausted just reading about it.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
The future belongs to god ... and dr. Emmett Brown
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
I surrender the field, Lament.
I think my favorite bit was the hilary Clinton campaigning
I think my favorite bit was the hilary Clinton campaigning
I Am No Guide - Pearl Jam Song by Song - Out now!
He/Him/His
He/Him/His
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
These are lyrical masterpieces.“Married me a model/So much money in the bank/No need to drive a car/Bitch I'll drive a fucking tank”
“Soaring so high in my copter/Dropping ass bombs on Ten Club shoppers/Now I shit and YOU stink!/For real, join the Ten Club!”
“Mailed some dude a jar of piss/He gave it four stars, his name was stip,”
“Did you remember to brush your teeth?” , “What does the cow say?” "Always Daddy! My teeths is clean!” , “The cow says mooo!”
“Never forget the feeling/Of my child's hand in mine/Daddy's gonna give affection/Till the end of time,” “I love you daddy!” , “I love you, sweetie!”
“Waiting/Watching The Fox/And the Hound with my dad/It's the tops!”
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Aaahahahaha“Did you remember to brush your teeth?” , “What does the cow say?” "Always Daddy! My teeths is clean!” , “The cow says mooo!”
“Never forget the feeling/Of my child's hand in mine/Daddy's gonna give affection/Till the end of time,” “I love you daddy!” , “I love you, sweetie!”
Anders wrote:I do not have a «neoliberal assessment of geopolitics», so please stop writing that I do.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
HAHA, what an ass indeed.Lament wrote:"Alright. I'll tell you more thing about 2019. Jay Cutler still sucks."
"You're an asshole. Go back to the future, dick."
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
emanon wrote:I think I either need to drink less to become more alert, or more so as not to care.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
If Pearl Jam never produces a song featuring the lyrics "countdown to poundtown," then all has truly been for naught.
(patriotic choking noises)
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Have we got an RM post HoF? No need now, we have a winner.
RisingTides wrote:There is more kindness on the internet than we would care to admit to ourselves. Sometimes we are so afraid of falling victim to a ruse, we miss out on actual opportunities.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
Silk will be released in a limited production silk-infused vinyl set of 18 pieces of record, a blowtorch, a bag of Ed's feces (in actuality the feces will be sourced from either one of Sean Penn's or Ed's interns), a bubble footbath, a manicure set, a rubber stamp depicting two men on a yacht beating koalas with bags of money, and two indonesian wage slaves. One slave will give you a mani/pedi while you decadantly watch the other slave toil with the blowtorch to assemble the 18 pieces of record into 1 33 rpm Silk vinyl single. the B-side to the single will be a BM-side, as the final assembly step by indonesian wage slave #2 will be to smear Ed's feces onto the BM-side of the vinyl, and stamp the feces before it hardens with the rubber stamp depicting Ed and Bono yachting back from another successful Australian koala smuggling expedition.
PS lament your post was on some im gonna git you sucka pimp of the year shit
PS lament your post was on some im gonna git you sucka pimp of the year shit
All posts by this account, even those referencing real things, are entirely fictional and are for entertainment purposes only; i.e. very low-quality entertainment. These may contain coarse language and due to their content should not be viewed by anyone
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.
YES. SO MUCH THIS.96583UP wrote:Silk will be released in a limited production silk-infused vinyl set of 18 pieces of record, a blowtorch, a bag of Ed's feces (in actuality the feces will be sourced from either one of Sean Penn's or Ed's interns), a bubble footbath, a manicure set, a rubber stamp depicting two men on a yacht beating koalas with bags of money, and two indonesian wage slaves. One slave will give you a mani/pedi while you decadantly watch the other slave toil with the blowtorch to assemble the 18 pieces of record into 1 33 rpm Silk vinyl single. the B-side to the single will be a BM-side, as the final assembly step by indonesian wage slave #2 will be to smear Ed's feces onto the BM-side of the vinyl, and stamp the feces before it hardens with the rubber stamp depicting Ed and Bono yachting back from another successful Australian koala smuggling expedition.
TEAM HARMLESS FOREVER...