Gigaton: Official album thread

General Pearl Jam discussion.
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Early Impressions

5 stars
70
26%
4 stars
143
53%
3 stars
32
12%
2 star
16
6%
1 star
7
3%
 
Total votes: 268

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harmless
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by harmless »

bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
Has this not already happened?
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by stupidmop »

harmless wrote:
bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
Has this not already happened?
Maybe it has

:shock:

Every time they say 'we're heading into the studio' they're really saying 'we're giving bo'b a call to find out what's taking him so long'.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by harmless »

stupidmop wrote:
harmless wrote:
bodysnatcher wrote:this one will be recorded with all members going into the studio individually, and BoB splicing their parts altogether
Has this not already happened?
Maybe it has

:shock:

Every time they say 'we're heading into the studio' they're really saying 'we're giving bo'b a call to find out what's taking him so long'.
:lol:
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by warehouse »

we need a brass section, already
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by hlniv »

Ed's lyrics will suck even more too. this next round will feature one song who's lyrics consist solely of ed shouting out the names of objects he is viewing in the recording studio at that exact moment: "microphone! vooooluuuume sliiidy knoooob thiiiiings! stone's foot! myyyyy finger paaaaintiiiing set! Matt's kid! Breeendan O'Brieeen's chauffeuuuuuur!!!"
I just laughed aloud at this and the Somalian dude next to me at the airport gave me a weird look
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by bodysnatcher »

How amazing would "Speed Of Sound" be at a laser light show?
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by 96583UP »

hlniv wrote:
I just laughed aloud at this and the Somalian dude next to me at the airport gave me a weird look
he never understood why Ed would rather starve than eat his bread
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Lament »

So, earlier in this thread I claimed I could write a review of the 11th album that was longer than stip's Lightning Bolt review. I thought I was joking, but last night I was visited by my future self. He appeared at the foot of my bed, startling me at first before I realized I was staring at a slightly older version of myself, at which point I was beyond fucking terrified. My future self assured me that I had little to fear, and then laughed and said "Just kidding. Your life is still fucking terrible. But you've also still got cool hair and a sharp wardrobe, so it's pretty much a wash. Oh, and Aubrey Plaza is the biggest star on the planet, so there's no shortage of movies of hers to watch. The flipside though is that most of them are awful. But you don't care, cause it's Aubrey Plaza."

As I recovered from the shock of what was happening, I desperately tried to convince myself to give me more insight into the next several years. I wanted to be warned of mistakes I might make, people I should avoid. I pleaded for insight as to how I could improve my future based on things he found himself regretting, but alas, he was steadfast in his refusal to shed any more light on the coming years. Exasperated, I asked my future self why he was even here in my room.

"You once claimed you would write a review of the 11th Pearl Jam album that would longer than stip's Lightning Bolt review," my future self said.

"Aw, c'mon," I replied. "I was just joking around. I could never write a fake review for an album that doesn't exist. I mean, my life is sad, but it's not THAT sad."

"This is true. But you CAN write a review for an album that DOES exist. Or at least, I can."

"What do you mean, future self?" I asked.

He handed me a thumb drive and instructed me not to look at what was on it until he left.

"There is some regret in giving this to you, though," future Lament said with a pained expression on his face. "It turns out that, even having heard this album, I cannot write a review as inexplicably long as the one written by Senator Stip."

"Senator Stip? Wait, what the hell are you talking about? What's going on? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE?"

"You'll see, past self. You'll see," future Lament smugly replied as he turned to walk out of the room, before pausing and speaking once more. "Oh. One other thing, he said, "If you guys ever have kids, and one of them, when he's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug... go easy on him."

"That's not funny," I snapped back.

"It kinda is. And you kinda knew it was coming. God, I hate you so much sometimes. But...you kinda know that already."

"Please! Tell me anything else you can tell me! I need to know what the future holds!" I wailed, not wanting to blow this once in a lifetime opportunity.

"Alright. I'll tell you more thing about 2019. Jay Cutler still sucks."

"You're an asshole. Go back to the future, dick."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Go back to watching The Office on your laptop, loser," future Lament said with a dismissive grin on his face as he turned and vanished back into the darkness from whence he appeared.

I looked in my hand at the thumbdrive he gave me, still unsure of how to process everything that had just taken place. I slipped it into my laptop to see what was on it. Opening the folder, I found a single file, a word document simply saved under the name "PJEleven." I opened it up and read it. It was the review I promised to write for the eleventh Pearl Jam album, straight from the week it was released. At first I wondered if I even wanted to read it, but curiosity got the best of me. But I'll say no more and let you guys read for yourselves. I'll spoiler it for those who don't want to have their judgment of the album tainted by preconceived notions, but for everyone who reads it, I hope future Lament hasn't let you down the way I assume he will ultimately let me down (though that's a whole 'nother story). So, without further ado, I give you...

The first full-length review of the eleventh Pearl Jam album.
Spoiler: show
RIDING THE TIDES TO ETERNITY: A REVIEW

September 18, 2019

by Lament

To say it's been a strange several years in the world of Pearl Jam would be an understatement. Even for a fanbase that is no stranger to controversy and turbulence, the last few years have to qualify as a bizarre tease. 2013's Lightning Bolt was generally met with a measured enthusiasm. Many long-time fans felt rewarded for sticking with the band through the divisive self-titled record and Backspacer. The 2013 tour found the band playing as well as they had in years, and as the year came to a close, spirits were beginning to rise again for even the most cynical of fans. Promises of a several EPs and a quick turnaround between records, however, did not come true.

While the 2014 World tour (which consisted of stops in Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Chicago, Berlin, & London, despite announcing shows in Australia and several other places in Europe only to see them all canceled at the last second) was universally praised by critics, lauding the band for their 45 song sets and particularly scorching versions of Alive and Rockin in the Free World that seemed to pop up quite frequently, some not-so-quietly wondered if the band was trying to hide the fact that were effectively running out of steam. Rarities in concert are great, but when Bugs, Bee Girl, All the Way, Turning Mist, Sweet Lew, and Eruption start turning up every single night like they did in 2014, some people will begin to ask questions.

These questions looked like they were about to be put to rest when the band announced 2015 would be kicked off with the release of a new EP. Expectations went through the roof when the title of the EP was announced, “Cold Confessions of the Earth.” But, as seems to be the case in the world of Pearl Jam, things are not always what they appear to be. Neither Cold Confessions or Of the Earth appeared on the EP, upsetting many fans who vowed they were “finished with Pearl Jam.” In fact, there was no truly original music on the EP at all, instead containing three live cuts from the 2014 tour (Sweet Lew, Sleeping By Myself, and a truly strange piano version of Getaway that seems to only feature Brendan O'Brien) and two “new” songs that were actually just full versions of songs from Vedder's Ukulele Songs record (Once in a While & Waving Palms). Even a full-length European tour in 2015 couldn't salvage the year for certain fans.

2016, 2017, and 2018 found the band seemingly revisiting the script (with the exception of Ed's bizarre campaign stumping for Hilary Clinton, which consisted of him standing behind podiums and counting how much money he made during the last Clinton administration, one $100 bill at a time). European tours every spring, South American tours every fall, and two US festivals every September. They constantly told us they were “working hard on new music,” but by the time RNDM shockingly topped the Billboard charts with their seventh album in 2017, only the most dedicated fans truly believed anymore. By all accounts, those who had been criticizing the band as being nothing more than a nostalgia-fest had finally been proven right.

Early May of this year, 2019, things began to change, although none of us really knew it at the time. The general reception to the announcement that the new album was imminent was a collective groan. Some didn't believe, but most just didn't care. When it was revealed that the album was produced once again by Brendan O'Brien, morale hit an all-time low. Forgoing the release of a single by instead releasing a series of interviews with Mike, Stone, and Brendan talking about the making of the record seemed to be the final shrug of a band who had stopped caring.

“It's a return to form,” said McCready in his video. “If you like Pearl Jam you'll love it. If you don't like Pearl Jam, it'll make you like us. If you listen to it and don't like it though, you can listen to our old albums. And if you don't like listening to our old albums, you can listen to me play guitar on the new Heart album. And if you don't like Heart, you still might love the album I made with Star Anna. And if she's not your cup of tea, you'll definitely love the Candlebox record I appear on. If Candlebox isn't poppy enough for you, I play a lead on the new Cheap Trick record. And if you don't like Cheap Trick, go to a baseball game, and I'll probably play the national anthem there.”

Stone's synopsis of the album was much more succinct. “What does it sound like? It sounds like me buying a bigger jet. asshole. What the fuck do you think it sounds like? It sounds like fucking Pearl Jam. HURR-DURR-NA-NA-NA-YEEEEAH and all that shit. The first song on it is really cool though. I like that one.”

At a certain point though, all of the bullshit we sort through becomes irrelevant. There's an album to be listened to. Judgments are to be passed. The difficult questions must once and for all be faced. What is Pearl Jam in 2019? Does it even matter? Should we care? Does it even matter whether or not we care? Have we reached the point where most people's response to “what is Pearl Jam?” is “a company that sells socks and flannel” as opposed to “grunge survivors who rose from the ashes of Mother Love Bone?”

Well folks, Riding the Tides to Eternity is finally here. And for once, all of the questions have been answered.

Riding The Tides to Eternity opens with the atmospheric The Ocean at Dawn/Rise From The Ashes (Ament/Vedder). Longtime fans of the grunge survivors will be forgiven if they instantly think of Long Road or Parting Ways when a single, meloncholy chord emerges from the Quadrophenia-esque sound of waves washing up on to the shore that begin the affair at hand. Matt Cameron cascades in gently before a simple yet powerful, chiming, three note guitar riff escalates the proceedings. It's nearly two minutes before Vedder joins in, and when he does, he seems to be summoning the ghost of former collaborator Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan though his emotionally chilling yet wordless wails.

In an unexpected twist, the first words uttered on this record come not from Vedder, but from bassist Jeff Ament, whose chant of “The ocean at dawn/One day we'll be gone/Remember my son/To always rock on” will spark memories of his work with Three Fish from the more die-hard, completist segment of the fanbase. Cameron's initially subtle drumming gives way to a booming, tribal pattern that takes this song to another level by the time the band finally reach the four minute mark. The build up works so well that most listeners will probably need multiple runs through the song before realizing that the entire thing is still built around the single chord that began the song.

A three-plus minute instrumental break finds Gossard & Ament engaging in a duel that stakes its claim as one of the finest stretches of music this band has ever recorded. Every burst of jagged yet melodic, echo-laced guitar work from the band's founding father is answered in turn with the finest aggressively mournful fretless bass work his long-time musical soulmate has ever produced, the two instruments butting up against each other in the coolest of rhythmic ways. Its not hard to see why Gossard has been so open in interviews about this being his favorite song on the new record.

Seven and half minutes in, the band takes us on a wild, unexpected left turn. As the song appears to reach it's crescendo, Vedder decides it's time to remind everyone just whose band Pearl Jam ultimately is. A full-bodied declaration of “One two three four!/I declare we surf more!” drags the song kicking and screaming into full-on Ramones mode. Over a three-chord thrash (driven by producer Brendan O'Brien doing his best Jerry Lee Lewis impression on piano), Ed throws himself into full on life-affirming mode. As the band crashes to a surprisingly quick stop, Vedder is left screaming over the last strains of feedback “Rise from the ashes/Take it from me/Black, Red, & Yellow/C'mon and take heed/There's no middle anymore/Gay, Straight or Bi/Rise from the ashes/While you're still alive!”

After what is undoubtedly the most overwhelming opening track of the band's career, Flash (McCready/Vedder) will serve as a pleasant return to more familiar turf for some listeners. The gentle, acoustic riff that opens the song turns out to be a false-flag of sorts, as merely seconds into it Vedder quips “Nah, nah man. Let's give 'em some of that hot fire shit!” McCready obliges instantly, breaking into a minute long solo that features more notes than even most intricate of live Even Flow solos. What the song lacks in melody, it makes up for in sheer aggression. Perhaps the fastest song of the band's career, Flash serves as a reminder to listeners not to waste time. “Live life fast!” Vedder urges “Fast like The Flash!” before giving way to another lengthy McCready solo that brings the song to a close. The band seems in on the joke, as in the wake of the song you can hear Matt Cameron audibly saying “Slow down guys! That's too damn fast!” before the other four bust into a hearty chuckle.

No Time For The Man (Ament) For the first time on a studio album since No Code's Mankind, someone other than Vedder takes lead vocals on a Pearl Jam track on Jeff's No Time For The Man. Revisiting the dual bass line approach of Lightning Bolt's My Father's Son, No Time For The Man ups the intensity as the band sounds as fierce as they've ever been. Jeff's lyrics leave a bit to be desired though, as they merely consist of him shouting “Another fuckin' eight ball, please/I ain't got no time for the man!” over and over and over again.

Countdown to Poundtown (McCready) finds Mike McCready finally unleashing his hair metal influence upon the band without any outside input to water it down. Vedder obliges McCready's lyrics (sample: “Countdown to poundtown/Girl we're gonna go down”) by channeling the spirit of David Lee Roth circa-1978. Squeals of “Yeah!” and “Owww!” find Ed reaching heights in his register no one would have ever though possible. When he goes into a falsetto and declares “Girl you have the right to spread 'em, remain silent and let's get 'em!” you'd be forgiven for thinking that you're hearing a guest vocalist and not the Crown Prince of Hurr Durr. The comfort zone has been breached, and Ed is out in the wild. This four minutes song has three and a half minutes of guitar solo, and believe me when I tell you you'll be wishing it had more.

The album takes a gentler turn on the next track. Exhaling Forever (Vedder/McCormick/O'Brien) is perhaps the most intriguing track on the album. For the first time we got not only a non-member performing vocals on a Pearl Jam record, but a female no less. This duet between Ed and Jill McCormick finds Pearl Jam musically going to places we'd never imagined. This beautiful, psychedelic pastiche would hardly sound out of place on The Zombies' classic Odessey & Oracle. While Ed's low growl sits surprisingly well amongst the mellotrons and strings which give the tune a sunny, blissed out feel, it's McCormick's shockingly haunting yet somehow soaring vocals which take this song to a transcendent level. Listeners will be forgiven for wondering if it is perhaps Ed who is the Linda McCartney of his relationship, especially seeing as though O'Brien revealed in one of the promotional videos that the music for this track was “95% composed by Jill.”

Inconsequential (Gossard/Vedder) is the closest we get to a “Pearl Jam by numbers” track on the record. This song is the logical extension of a great lineage which dates back to Indifference and runs right through In My Tree, In Hiding, Insignificance, In The Moonlight, and Infallible. The melody is oddly similar to that of One Direction's “Live While We're Young,” but that can't possibly be “intentional.”

Love These Things When I Am Gone (McCready/Vedder) finds Pearl Jam finally diving headfirst into the country-tinged melancholy hinted at on Lightning Bolt's Sleeping By Myself. A beautifully mournful slide guitar solo highlights this painful realization that our time on earth is limited. Many fans will find themselves weeping openly as Ed lists the things he hopes are still loved when he's gone. “Waves/The Ten Club/Flannel and my boots/Keep your membership dues coming in/My grandkids will need money too.” Don't worry Ed, I have a feeling this wishlist of yours will be fulfilled.

Surely to be the most divisive song on the record, Silk (Vedder) is clearly a response to Vitalogy's Corduroy. While Corduroy found Vedder struggling with and lamenting the high costs of his then new-found fame, Silk finds Ed celebrating it to the fullest. “Married me a model/So much money in the bank/No need to drive a car/Bitch I'll drive a fucking tank.” Purists may find themselves outraged by the sentiment, but more discerning listeners may forgive Ed based on the music in the song itself, which is among the most instantly gratifying things the band has ever done.

The winding, yet ultimately descending guitar motif which opens the track works in perfect contrast to Ament's simple, ascending bass line. Cameron's martial drumming brings a groove and urgency to the track that hasn't been felt in their music since the days of Dave Abbruzzese. The fills which follow up every single line in the verses are among the most tastefully done of McCready's career. The chorus is so musically uplifting with it's U2-like lead guitar work that you could be forgiven for not noticing the crude lyrics coming from Ed. “Wipe my ass with silk/Hundred dollar bills,” the once shy and reluctant humble man of grunge declares with all the full-bodied force of a category five hurricane. Everything works so well that you find yourself urging Ed to wipe on. Where Ed once mumbled “I thought you were a friend/But I guess I/I guess I hate you” into the outro on Corduroy, here he heartily belts out “Soaring so high in my copter/Dropping ass bombs on Ten Club shoppers/Now I shit and YOU stink!/For real, join the Ten Club!” Easily the the emotional high point of the record, and a song that will be sure to please concertgoers for decades to come.

Cum Here U Dicks (Vedder/Gossard/McCready/Ament/Cameron/O'Brien) could almost be considered the sister song of Yield's Push Me, Pull Me. When the tracklisting was first unveiled, some found humor that the song could be abbreviated to “CHUD.” No one could have possibly been prepared for the truth though. Cum Here U Dicks is not-at-all-veiled, full-on attack on the Red Mosquito board. Turns out Ed has been watching, and he's got a bone to pick with everyone. Musically a bizarre mix of Riot Act's You Are and The Faint's Desperate Guys, the song grooves deftly beneath Ed's barbs. Some of the lyrics are clever enough once you get past how absolutely mean spirited they are (though, even the most hardened of anti-RMers out there will find themselves wondering if “Mailed some dude a jar of piss/He gave it four stars, his name was stip,” is taking everything a step too far).

Autumn's Only Son (Cameron) was written entirely by Matt. Obviously it sucks. I didn't even listen to it. I mean, he's a fucking drummer. What the fuck, right? BULLSHIT.

Sleeping By Myself (Vedder), also heard on Ukulele Songs & Lightning Bolt, makes an appearance here in a new form. It's easy to want to skip over it, but you'd only be hurting yourself by doing so. This is undoubtedly the definite version of this track. Musically consisting of nothing but hand claps and stomps a la Queen's We Will Rock, it feels like this song has finally found it's perfect state.

Bitter Sister (Gossard) was very nearly left off of the album, saved only by last second threat to quit by Matt Cameron. A drum loop lifted from Peaches' Fuck the Pain Away provides an unlikely starting point for this disturbing track, which at times seems to harken back to Vitalogy's Stupid Mop. But whereas Stupid Mop was a challenge to the conventions expected from the listener, Bitter Sister is perhaps the catchiest thing the band has ever done. The lyrics, penned in whole by Gossard, tell the story of a sister who gets back at her brother's youthful bullying by seducing his wife and making her fall madly in love with “This twisted, bitter sister.” Ed puts forth one of the greatest performances of his life in his channeling of this complex, dark character.

The album closes with My Child's Hand in Mine (Vedder/O'Brien). After the rest of the band checks out on the previous track, we're left with Vedder (on ukulele) and O'Brien (piano) to finish things off. A delicate, uplifting number, My Child's Hand in Mine plays out as a conversation between a father and a daughter. As Ed takes the role of father with lines like “Did you remember to brush your teeth?” and “What does the cow say?” O'Brien does his best imitation of young girl, squeakily replying with lines like “Always Daddy! My teeths is clean!” and “The cow says mooo!” Vedder takes the reigns in an acapella bridge, telling us he'll “Never forget the feeling/Of my child's hand in mine/Daddy's gonna give affection/Till the end of time,” his voice ascending and displaying a melodic elasticity not heard on a Pearl Jam record since the self-titled album's Parachutes. The outro finds Ed and Brendan cooing back and forth “I love you daddy!” and “I love you, sweetie!” For the legions of fans of the grunge survivors who now find themselves raising children of their own, this will no doubt serve as a powerful reminder of what's important in life.

For those who purchased the standard CD/Vinyl/Cassette edition of this record from the Ten Club, we bid you adieu. Your listening experience is over. Those who purchased the album from American Eagle (the exclusive retailer for this release) will be treated to a bonus track, Better Man (Live). If you think you already know this song like the back of your hand, be prepared to be shocked. Recorded at a private birthday party for Hugo Chavez, Vedder & co. have given the song an unexpected twist. With his daughter taking lead vocals, what was once an paean of sympathy to an abused woman is rewritten as a tribute to Vedder's parenting skills. “Waiting/Watching The Fox/And the Hound with my dad/It's the tops!” sings his daughter. It's hard not to be moved when she sings “Can't find a better dad!” with the conviction of the truest believer. One can only hope we find ourselves treated to this new version regularly in the future, though perhaps the magic is best left to this one-time performance. I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

So here we find ourselves with the Pearl Jam album we've all been waiting for, a record which gives us hope that things can carry on well into their fourth decade together. After years of seemingly finding little worth struggling against and watching the music suffer as a result, Pearl Jam has finally found something they are passionate enough about to finally inject into their music. And while it may seem odd that the passion we've all been wishing would return took the form of a truly vulgar, nasty hatred of the very fans who love them, I have a feeling we'll all get over it really quickly and just be thrilled to hear the band firing on all cylinders in a way they haven't since Vitalogy, and possibly ever. There is not a weak moment to be found on the record. It is possible the band has never been as emotionally involved in a piece of work the way they are on Riding the Tides to Eternity. Upon reaching the end of the record, one will find themselves both exhausted and enthralled, fighting through the remaining emotional rubble to hit play and do it all over again. It would not be an understatement to say that this album is the work of heroes, the type of men who belong to mentioned alongside the Martin Luther Kings, Jesus Christs, & Stephen Bikos of human history.

Riding the Tides to Eternity? Don't mind if I do, Pearl Jam. Don't mind if I do.

10/10
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Sgt. Crackpot »

Mother of god... this is.. amazing. Time travel.. news from the future.. a new album..

Image

it's just phenom-

Wait. WE HAVE TO WAIT 5 FUCKING YEARS?!?!

Image
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by LetMeSleep »

Well done Lament. I'm exhausted just reading about it.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Kesseli »

The future belongs to god ... and dr. Emmett Brown
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by stip »

I surrender the field, Lament.



I think my favorite bit was the hilary Clinton campaigning
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by hlniv »

“Married me a model/So much money in the bank/No need to drive a car/Bitch I'll drive a fucking tank”

“Soaring so high in my copter/Dropping ass bombs on Ten Club shoppers/Now I shit and YOU stink!/For real, join the Ten Club!”

“Mailed some dude a jar of piss/He gave it four stars, his name was stip,”

“Did you remember to brush your teeth?” , “What does the cow say?” "Always Daddy! My teeths is clean!” , “The cow says mooo!”
“Never forget the feeling/Of my child's hand in mine/Daddy's gonna give affection/Till the end of time,” “I love you daddy!” , “I love you, sweetie!”

“Waiting/Watching The Fox/And the Hound with my dad/It's the tops!”
These are lyrical masterpieces.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Jorge »

“Did you remember to brush your teeth?” , “What does the cow say?” "Always Daddy! My teeths is clean!” , “The cow says mooo!”
“Never forget the feeling/Of my child's hand in mine/Daddy's gonna give affection/Till the end of time,” “I love you daddy!” , “I love you, sweetie!”
Aaahahahaha
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Kaius »

Lament wrote:"Alright. I'll tell you more thing about 2019. Jay Cutler still sucks."

"You're an asshole. Go back to the future, dick."
HAHA, what an ass indeed.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by CopperTom »

:thumbsup:
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by McParadigm »

If Pearl Jam never produces a song featuring the lyrics "countdown to poundtown," then all has truly been for naught.
(patriotic choking noises)
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by harmless »

Have we got an RM post HoF? No need now, we have a winner.
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by 96583UP »

Silk will be released in a limited production silk-infused vinyl set of 18 pieces of record, a blowtorch, a bag of Ed's feces (in actuality the feces will be sourced from either one of Sean Penn's or Ed's interns), a bubble footbath, a manicure set, a rubber stamp depicting two men on a yacht beating koalas with bags of money, and two indonesian wage slaves. One slave will give you a mani/pedi while you decadantly watch the other slave toil with the blowtorch to assemble the 18 pieces of record into 1 33 rpm Silk vinyl single. the B-side to the single will be a BM-side, as the final assembly step by indonesian wage slave #2 will be to smear Ed's feces onto the BM-side of the vinyl, and stamp the feces before it hardens with the rubber stamp depicting Ed and Bono yachting back from another successful Australian koala smuggling expedition.


PS lament your post was on some im gonna git you sucka pimp of the year shit
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Lament
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Re: Thread in which we speculate on the 11th album.

Post by Lament »

96583UP wrote:Silk will be released in a limited production silk-infused vinyl set of 18 pieces of record, a blowtorch, a bag of Ed's feces (in actuality the feces will be sourced from either one of Sean Penn's or Ed's interns), a bubble footbath, a manicure set, a rubber stamp depicting two men on a yacht beating koalas with bags of money, and two indonesian wage slaves. One slave will give you a mani/pedi while you decadantly watch the other slave toil with the blowtorch to assemble the 18 pieces of record into 1 33 rpm Silk vinyl single. the B-side to the single will be a BM-side, as the final assembly step by indonesian wage slave #2 will be to smear Ed's feces onto the BM-side of the vinyl, and stamp the feces before it hardens with the rubber stamp depicting Ed and Bono yachting back from another successful Australian koala smuggling expedition.
YES. SO MUCH THIS.
TEAM HARMLESS FOREVER...
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