Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

[Whitey McTeeth]

Not to mention the amount of mustached characters, who got left on the cutting room floor.

[Whitey McTeeth]

Burt, can your cookie duster weigh in on that?

[BurtReynolds]

Biggs and Lando are the only ones worthy.

[malice]

It's got nothing on the explanation of why Yoda insists on training the younglings. Lots and lots of younglings. In a room with a locking door. And orange shag carpeting.

it was the 1970s?

[bada]

The 4 Most Important Star Wars Stories Of The Year (So far)
Posted on 1.17.14 by Kellvin Chavez

Everything Star Wars is LOCKED DOWN like nobody’s business. The Disney/Star Wars team is monitoring the internet activity of anyone with story-level involvement and access to the slightest bit of information. As we rapidly approach production, things are solidifying and Disney/Star Wars is getting ready to board the Abrams Denial Train (previous passenger Benedict KAHNberbatch).

It’s going to be dodgy territory for entertainment news reporting on Star Wars from here on out, so let’s begin by putting our cards on the table: Please pay close attention to what we are and are not reporting. Especially with something like Star Wars, we stand by what we’ve reported only as far as we can – which is to say meetings don’t always lead to castings and scripts can get tossed around or out at the drop of a hat.

Speaking of whole scripts being booted, let’s get to it:

ABRAMS VS. ARNDT

We’ve heard that the big difference of opinion between JJ Abrams and screenwriter Michael Arndt was the story direction of Episode VII. We know Arndt (Toy Story 3) got booted from Episode VII scripting duties and was replaced by Lawrence Kasdan with some JJ for good measure. We’ve heard that Arndt was much more into the story of the Solo kids, while JJ felt – and still feels – that this the story of the Skywalker line.

Since Arndt walked almost all of his ideas have been tossed and Abrams/Kasdan are pursuing the Skywalker-centric version they wanted. Mark Hamill’s part has been beefed up so much he might end up shooting 6 months on the movie, our source estimated.

PLEMONS IS IN

Jesse Plemons of Friday Night Lights and Breaking Bad was heavily rumored to be under consideration for a lead role in Star Wars Episode VII. We heard that this is basically a locked deal, at least as locked as anyone can be at this point.

We expect Plemons’ involvement will be announced early on, but the Disney/Star Wars PR Plemons Plan, currently, is to confirm his involvement without naming his part. So we’ll get a confirmation, but not an official confirm that Plemons is playing Ben Skywalker, Luke’s son. Plemons’ character would be the main protagonist of Episode VIII. EIGHT!

BOBA FETT’S RET-CON

Strap in, a lot of you aren’t going to like this.

To counter-act the prequels, the Boba Fett spin-off movie planned for 2018 has an interesting twist pitched by Episode VII writer Lawrence Kasdan: the spin-off will start with a complete stranger killing Boba Fett and taking his armor, starting a Man-With-No-Name bounty hunter tale. So: someone kills the Boba Fett from the prequels and takes his armor and name. One this is for certain is that Kasdan didn’t like the prequel and wants no Bobba Fett Clone in the spin-off film.

Sounds a lot like a Western and it sounds like it could restore a fan-favorite character that was totally a little boy with thousands of versions of his father running around. Or it could just be a lot of stupid rib-elbowing about this stranger doomed to fall into a Sarlaac pit in the most anti-climatic franchise exit ever.

Lastly I was told by 3 sources, reps etc, etc…(so call who ever you want) that Captain American director Joe Johnston is on top of the list to direct the spin-off, which makes sort of sense since he began his career as a concept artist and effects technician on the first Star Wars film. REMEMBER NOW before you all go and say he’s directing the project, I never said he has the job, just that he’s on top of the list, lets get that perfectly clear.

OBI-ONE. NOT TWO. ONE.

In response to a rumor that Obi-Wan would have some sort of offspring, we’re told that it’s absolutely not true. That being said, the Kenobi family will come into play. Could be niece nephew, no real details on that one. It could be a Force Ghost or a something else, we just know it’s not his daughter or grandkid.

That’s all we’ve got for you at the moment, but we’re still on the never-ending hunt for Star Wars news. Until Episode IX, or at least until they cast all of us as senators in our own New Republic Planet, we’ll be here with you.

[Biff Pocoroba]

As a kid, I never really saw Vader as much of a threat. I'm not sure why. I just always thought he was a pretty ineffective Big Bad. I always thought there was something much darker just behind him.

Empire was the only one that impressed me as a kid regarding Vader being a true villain. It was the Emperor of course in Jedi but Governor Tarkin was the bigger baddie in Ep 4. I thought of Vader as being in a position below him and not really coming into his own until later.

[McParadigm]

...that Plemons is playing Ben Skywalker, Luke’s son.

To counter-act the prequels, the Boba Fett spin-off movie will start with a complete stranger killing Boba Fett and taking his armor, starting a Man-With-No-Name bounty hunter tale. So: someone kills the Boba Fett from the prequels and takes his armor and name.

So actual Boba Fett's story is: watched father die like an asshole for nothing, grew up to try and live in his father's footsteps, died like an asshole for nothing in a totally different way, then had everything he had left in this world taken and used by someone who stole his identity who also died like an asshole for nothing.

Finally, a story I can relate to.

Also, Ben Skywalker is an idiotic idea for a name, and anybody who thinks otherwise is a stupid dumb idiot head who can't read and kisses farts.

[Alex]

mcp, what are your blood pressure readings?

[McParadigm]

Alcohol really skews those kinds of numbers. I don't pay them any mind.

[Alex]

what makes you happy, other than alcohol and unhappiness?

[McParadigm]

Give me a minute. I'll think of something.

[bada]

Give me a minute. I'll think of something.

[McParadigm]

Give me a minute. I'll think of something.

THAT'S IT

[McParadigm]

It MUST be love, because just the one picture made my whole goddamn day.

[stip]

So luke got married?

[Strat]

Wait, Boba Fett is already dead, how can they have a spin off of him?

[BurtReynolds]

Boba Fett looks like one of the set welders wondered onto the set and Lucas was like, "fuck it, we'll write him in". I never understood his appeal.

[Mecca]

Wait, Boba Fett is already dead, how can they have a spin off of him?

He got out

[Alex]

Wait, Boba Fett is already dead, how can they have a spin off of him?

He got out

i unfortunately can confirm this

[McParadigm]

Phil Lynott is gone forever, but Boba Fett and JJ Abrams live on and on.

What a stupid world this is