Jurassic World

[Mecca]

I can't believe they tricked us into a reboot without it being an actual reboot

[spike]

wow, fuck this movie. chris pratt's last line was pure andy dwyer and it wasn't supposed to be.

[darth_vedder]

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[Dev]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

[LoathedVermin72]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

wtf

[Dev]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

wtf

not a great movie, but good for a blockbuster

[LoathedVermin72]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

wtf

not a great movie, but good for a blockbuster

Is there anything specific you enjoyed about it?

[McParadigm]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

wtf

not a great movie, but good for a blockbuster

Is there anything specific you enjoyed about it?

The only possible human answer is 'no.'

[Dev]

this movie was exactly what i expected. i think it was pretty solid for what it was

wtf

not a great movie, but good for a blockbuster

Is there anything specific you enjoyed about it?

i liked bryce and chris's dynamic, and was reasonably entertained

[LoathedVermin72]

Huh. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say I have literally never liked a movie less than this.

[Dev]

Huh. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say I have literally never liked a movie less than this.

what would be interesting is if we could break down all the compounding factors that lead you to your crazy judgments.
actually can you explain?

[LoathedVermin72]

Huh. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say I have literally never liked a movie less than this.

what would be interesting is if we could break down all the compounding factors that lead you to your crazy judgments.
actually can you explain?

Ha, this is gonna be a long post…

Well, let me first approach it structurally, as a blockbuster. I love blockbusters. Some of my favorite movies are blockbusters. I love the spectacle, the grand scale, the way you can see on screen how much money and effort was put into a well-made one. But I especially love well-crafted pacing and structure in blockbusters. The slower, the better for me. And this is one of the most poorly structured blockbusters I’ve ever seen. On the surface level, the pacing is a mess. It moves way too quickly, and doesn’t allow you time to become acclimated to the world and atmosphere, which is essential to a good blockbuster. Build-up is important, and all the best blockbusters know it. It doesn’t even build-up to dinosaur reveals, which is a breach Spielberg never committed in either of his JP movies – we are steeped in dino imagery from the get-go. They overwhelm the movie’s aesthetic. Raptors, which were a hugely threatening presence in the original film, are just commonplace pets now. There’s no danger anymore; the mystery is stripped away.

But the terrible structure also extends to the movie’s themes and character development. Nothing about the teenage brothers makes any sense; their characterization is maybe the worst I’ve ever seen in a film. The older brother is really into girls. The movie really hammers this down our throats in the first half; all he ever does is check out girls and act shy around them. But where does this go? How does it pay off? What does it tell us about him as a character or about his relationship with his brother? That he’s more interested in girls than his family? That he’s self-involved? Because that goes out the window as soon as the dinosaur action hits and is then never revisited. So what’s the point of spending so much time on it? What does it have to do with anything?

Why is there literally one scene when the younger brother breaks down about how he thinks his parents are getting a divorce? That was never alluded to previously, and is never referenced again. It says nothing about any of the characters. It’s meaningless thematically. And it doesn’t even jell with what we see of the parents: there is never any hint of discord in the brief moments we see them together.

Why is Bryce Dallas Howard’s character treated like some kind of negligent jerk for not being involved with her nephews? How insane is it that she is chastised for something stupid like not knowing their birthdays (Who the fuck remembers the birthdays of their extended family members?!)? Everything about her characterization is massively sexist and nonsensical. She essentially operates the coolest resort on the planet. How is that not an awesome job? How doesn’t anyone seem to respect that she is dedicated to her work? Why does the movie constantly rebuke her for basically just caring about her job? No male character in her position would be treated that way unless he were characterized as a slimy sociopath. It’s idiotic. Why does Chris Pratt’s character (who is not related to the brothers in any way) always wind up being the cool hero while she gets condescending joke-valiant moments?

Spoiler: show

Why is Howard’s assistant sadistically tortured while the villain gets a quick, off-screen death? It was disgusting sitting through a scene where this poor, innocent person is mercilessly brutalized by multiple dinosaurs for seemingly minutes before finally getting eaten alive. Where on earth did that come from? The tonality was completely at odds with everything prior to it. It was pointlessly savage and mean-spirited. Nothing about that was fun or enjoyable. Why is it even there? And why does it happen to her? Meaningless. Moronic. Cruel.

And in terms of blockbuster spectacle, this completely fails to deliver. It is overloaded with CGI that is completely lacking in any sense of awe, wonder, or tactility. It’s covered in a horrendous layer of hipster irony that feigns nostalgia for the original JP while actually reducing it to a trivial joke (that mustachioed hipster in the control room embodies the filmmakers’ ideology) and clearly having no understanding of anything that made it great. The shot selection is horrible in every scene. The use of score is abrasive and inappropriate. This movie is a war crime.

[bada]

but it had dinosaurs in it....

[Mecca]

but it had dinosaurs in it....

"but it had transformers in it..."

[Mecca]

Raptors, which were a hugely threatening presence in the original film, are just commonplace pets now. There’s no danger anymore; the mystery is stripped away.

did you go to the bathroom during the scenes where they were very close to eating the guy that fell into the habitat and tore apart an InGen strike team?

[bada]

[LoathedVermin72]

Raptors, which were a hugely threatening presence in the original film, are just commonplace pets now. There’s no danger anymore; the mystery is stripped away.

did you go to the bathroom during the scenes where they were very close to eating the guy that fell into the habitat and tore apart an InGen strike team?

You mean the scene right before they were talked down by their trainer? And right after they were being trained by their trainer? And the scene that is super early in the movie and had no build-up?

[Mecca]

not to FJM your entire post but

Why is there literally one scene when the younger brother breaks down about how he thinks his parents are getting a divorce? That was never alluded to previously, and is never referenced again. It says nothing about any of the characters. It’s meaningless thematically. And it doesn’t even jell with what we see of the parents: there is never any hint of discord in the brief moments we see them together.

The parents obviously had some acrimony when sending the kids off and made comments like "lets just get through this," so it was previously alluded to, but it doesn't really pay off because the kids being in mortal danger brings them back together apparently.

[LoathedVermin72]

not to FJM your entire post but

Why is there literally one scene when the younger brother breaks down about how he thinks his parents are getting a divorce? That was never alluded to previously, and is never referenced again. It says nothing about any of the characters. It’s meaningless thematically. And it doesn’t even jell with what we see of the parents: there is never any hint of discord in the brief moments we see them together.

The parents obviously had some acrimony when sending the kids off and made comments like "lets just get through this," so it was previously alluded to, but it doesn't really pay off because the kids being in mortal danger brings them back together apparently.

Extrapolating kid-stress comments like that to marital acrimony is a bit of a stretch.

[E.H. Ruddock]

Was there an after-credits scene? If so, what happened? I didn't stick around.