All Concerts Suck

[CopperTom]

Some helpful concert hints, by request.


1a. Put your arms down. If your default concert posture involves having your arms raised above your head, you're doing it wrong. Look around. If no one else has their arms up, put yours down. The people behind you don't want to look at your arms. Go f*ck yourself.

1b. Put your phone down. If you're filming every song or so, you're doing it wrong. No one, yourself included, is going to watch this video more than once. The people behind you don't want to experience the concert through your phone's screen. Go f*ck yourself.

1c. Put your tablet down. If you think holding a tablet over your head to film a song is ok, you probably have brain cancer. Go f*ck yourself

1d. Put your sign down. Play Sad! Play Fatal! You're sad and I want to fatally beat you. Anything other than song requests is worse. A story that's a paragraph or more long written in roughly 16 point font? Swell. Do you want to hold it up in the middle of songs too? Uggghhh. Go f*ck yourself.

1e. Put your armpits away. Indoor concert in February? Check. Tank top? Check. Great, you can raise your arms the whole time so everyone gets to see your armpits for hours. Go f*ck yourself.

1f. Put your drink down. $12 beer? Yeah, bro - let's get wasted! And spill that sucker everywhere. No better way to spill than to raise that beer overhead and wave it around like you just don't care. Go f*ck yourself.

2a. Blood alcohol poisoning. If you need to consume 6, 8, 10 beers at the venue in order to have a good time, maybe, just maybe, this band isn't for you. Getting out of your seat 5 times to buy beer and another 5 times to piss annoys your row mates every time. You probably have the middle seat in the row too. Karma. Go f*ck yourself.

2b. Beer spills. Not annoying enough just being drunk at a crowded event, spill your beer everywhere. Plus it will give you an excuse to goto to make another beer run. Go f*ck yourself.

3a. Can't read. Am I in the right section? What row? What seat? If you can't read and comprehend 3 seperate numbers. Go. Home. Now. You will likely goto the wrong section, wrong row and wrong seat. Always a fun argument with the people already sitting there. At least you help justify the ushers. Job retention. Make concerts great again. Go f*ck yourself.

3b. Can't tell time. It's always awesome when someone gets to the concert during the middle of the main set. It's dark in here. Almost always packaged with 3a. Go f*ck yourself.

4a. Seat jumpers. You want a better seat? I'm sure you're the only one who wants to be closer. You can inconvenience anyone you want. Go f*ck yourself.

5a. Marital bliss. Your significant other is paying more attention to their favorite band rather than you? It's agrument time! Remember to make a huge scene and leave after just a few songs. You win. Go f*ck yourself.

6a. Bro. YOU LOOKIN' AT ME!!?? LET'S FIGHT! Go f*ck yourself.

6b. Bro pack. Let's treat the venue like our parents basement / cousins bar. If you don't do what we say, you're in trouble, bro. Go f*ck yourself.

6c. Ho pack. We're a group of trashy women who can do whatever we want. Cut the beer line? Heeeeyyyyyyy! Go in the men's bathroom? Heeeeyyyyyyy! Selfie time! Heeeeyyyyyyy! Go f*ck yourself.

7a. Phone calls. Are you at an event that has volume levels so loud that it may cause ear damage? I'm sure you can still have a successful phone conversation. Go f*ck yourself.

7b. Phone songs. OMG! Your friend's favorite song is being played. You NEED to call that friend and hold your phone up so they can hear. Can you hear me now? No. Go f*ck yourself.

7c. Status updates. Remember when you posted that you were at the Chinese restauant across from Wal-Mart and you got 6 likes. I'm sure the concert updates will get like 10 likes. The more the merrier. These updates can't wait until after the concert. No way. Go f*ck yourself.

7d. New friends. Remember that guy that you didn't know until 10 minutes before the concert started? You need to have a 10 minute long conversation with him in the middle of the concert. Just talk as loud as you can. He'll hear you eventually. Go f*ck yourself.

About the author: CopperTom actually chases children off of his lawn and has so much in common with senior citizens. He enjoys concerts, but has endured all of the bullshit listed above. But above all, he wants you to enjoy the concert going experience too. Have fun pals!

[evenslow]

In summation:

Spoiler: show

Go f*ck yourself

[super nintendo chalmers]

Walk it off, Pops.

[BurtReynolds]

#notallconcerts

[E.H. Ruddock]

Also the air drummer for every song. We get it, you play the drums.

[Jorge]

Alright, now that we got the inaugural old-person rant out of the way, I hope this space can also be used to share helpful tips for concertgoers.

Like: if the show is General Admission, try to stand close to the sound booth for the best quality.

[Bi_3]

Someone is bitter about missing All or None again.

[Biff Pocoroba]

I feel your pain Copper.

[Dr. Van Nostrand]

I feel your pain Copper.

same here

call me old if you would like but i really dont understand the idea behind spending any kind of money (especially $100s ) for a performance and deciding to have conversations during the performance and spend tons more money on alcohol that will keep you from the show on all of your trips to get more beer and also make the nights events less clear and in some cases forget the whole thing.

other people at concerts are the biggest turn off these days

[Bi_3]

wait. Was Copper really Beka?

[Captain Termite]

I'll play a little devil's advocate. In a lot of cases, you can still hear the concert when walking around during the concert. Pearl Jam isn't performing The Wall or something - so the visual component isn't essential. And people can get claustrophobic and stiff if they stay in the same exact spot for 3 straight hours.

[Dr. Van Nostrand]

I'll play a little devil's advocate. In a lot of cases, you can still hear the concert when walking around during the concert. Pearl Jam isn't performing The Wall or something - so the visual component isn't essential. And people can get claustrophobic and stiff if they stay in the same exact spot for 3 straight hours.

they also get annoyed by people constantly pushing their way through the crowd to get by them, once a show is understandable, but 5 or 10 times to keep their Bros stocked with beer, or the ones that decide on their way to try and find their spot that they left, they now like a new spot right in front of someone who has been standing there the whole show.

dont get me wrong, i can put up with a lot and i fully understand that a rock show wont me the most organized event in the world, but what i can put up with are people that just dont have any respect for the people that are around them at these shows, i personally probably go too far but i will make myself a bit uncomfortable to make sure im not crowding someone else close to me.

[Captain Termite]

Yes, I agree that if someone is disrespectful, them going back and forth a bunch of times makes it worse.

[CopperTom]

Someone is bitter about missing All or None again.

Haha. Definitely. The double miss sucks so much.

[LetMeSleep]

Not at a PJ show but I sat next to a couple who went for beer after beer then fish n chips, and more beers. Plus they ate each others faces off. Quite uncomfortable.

[E.H. Ruddock]

At the Houndmouth show we went to last week, it was in a small theater setting While the music was loud, I swear the people next to me were talking so loud the band could hear it. So annoying. Also, if you are not in a loud arena setting, please don't sing along to every song right next to me so I can hear your shitty voice.

[Jorge]

Not at a PJ show but I sat next to a couple who went for beer after beer then fish n chips, and more beers. Plus they ate each others faces off. Quite uncomfortable.

Yum, fish and chips and beer and face.

[Bi_3]

One thing I have noticed quite a bit of is people having the setlist up on their phone during the show and then checking it before every song, like they are judging a ladies figure skating routine.

[CopperTom]

One thing I have noticed quite a bit of is people having the setlist up on their phone during the show and then checking it before every song, like they are judging a ladies figure skating routine.

A leak or what's been played so far?

[Bi_3]

One thing I have noticed quite a bit of is people having the setlist up on their phone during the show and then checking it before every song, like they are judging a ladies figure skating routine.

A leak or what's been played so far?

Leaks. Happend at 3 of my five