Red Mosquito

spike wrote:There’s the ideal of parenting, then there’s what it’s really like. Sorry this milestone is a disappointment, but you’re a good dad and these are the kind of moments that you’ll rise to and find a way to appreciate and make the best of for all involved. The real work that you’ll feel the proudest of.

Second this. Standing next to your child, wherever they might stand, is the single most important thing a parent can do for them.

Ever just have a couple of drinks and scroll through 15 years of pictures on the cusp of your child’s high school graduation? Great crying exercise. I would give anything to run it all back.

Bi_3 wrote:

spike wrote:There’s the ideal of parenting, then there’s what it’s really like. Sorry this milestone is a disappointment, but you’re a good dad and these are the kind of moments that you’ll rise to and find a way to appreciate and make the best of for all involved. The real work that you’ll feel the proudest of.

Second this. Standing next to your child, wherever they might stand, is the single most important thing a parent can do for them.

100

Welcome to an episode of "when the village fails your kid"

My 5-year old son noticed some pretty flowers in front of a donut shop and impulsively picked one for his mama. Sweet consideration, yes, but I'm really trying to work with him on impulse control and respecting private property...something he struggles with.

I didn't get upset with him, but I walked him into the donut shop so that he could have a chance to ask the owner permission to have a flower (that he already picked.)

The owner noted his good manners and gave him a free bag of donut holes. Exactly the opposite of what I had hoped would be reinforced!

washing machine wrote:Welcome to an episode of "when the village fails your kid"

My 5-year old son noticed some pretty flowers in front of a donut shop and impulsively picked one for his mama. Sweet consideration, yes, but I'm really trying to work with him on impulse control and respecting private property...something he struggles with.

I didn't get upset with him, but I walked him into the donut shop so that he could have a chance to ask the owner permission to have a flower (that he already picked.)

The owner noted his good manners and gave him a free bag of donut holes. Exactly the opposite of what I had hoped would be reinforced!

Wouldn’t say that. The owner recognized that he had owned up to his mistake. Then he gave a 5-year-old some donut holes. He reinforced the value of coming forth with his mistake.

wease wrote:

washing machine wrote:Welcome to an episode of "when the village fails your kid"

My 5-year old son noticed some pretty flowers in front of a donut shop and impulsively picked one for his mama. Sweet consideration, yes, but I'm really trying to work with him on impulse control and respecting private property...something he struggles with.

I didn't get upset with him, but I walked him into the donut shop so that he could have a chance to ask the owner permission to have a flower (that he already picked.)

The owner noted his good manners and gave him a free bag of donut holes. Exactly the opposite of what I had hoped would be reinforced!

Wouldn’t say that. The owner recognized that he had owned up to his mistake. Then he gave a 5-year-old some donut holes. He reinforced the value of coming forth with his mistake.

Fair, but put yourself in an impulsive pre-schooler's head.

"I can pick flowers in front of a store to get donuts."

I fear the donut reward undermined the idea that there was a mistake to begin with.

washing machine wrote:

wease wrote:

washing machine wrote:Welcome to an episode of "when the village fails your kid"

My 5-year old son noticed some pretty flowers in front of a donut shop and impulsively picked one for his mama. Sweet consideration, yes, but I'm really trying to work with him on impulse control and respecting private property...something he struggles with.

I didn't get upset with him, but I walked him into the donut shop so that he could have a chance to ask the owner permission to have a flower (that he already picked.)

The owner noted his good manners and gave him a free bag of donut holes. Exactly the opposite of what I had hoped would be reinforced!

Wouldn’t say that. The owner recognized that he had owned up to his mistake. Then he gave a 5-year-old some donut holes. He reinforced the value of coming forth with his mistake.

Fair, but put yourself in an impulsive pre-schooler's head.

"I can pick flowers in front of a store to get donuts."

I fear the donut reward undermined the idea that there was a mistake to begin with.

Nah, man. These kids are smarter than we realize.

wease wrote:

washing machine wrote:

wease wrote:

washing machine wrote:Welcome to an episode of "when the village fails your kid"

My 5-year old son noticed some pretty flowers in front of a donut shop and impulsively picked one for his mama. Sweet consideration, yes, but I'm really trying to work with him on impulse control and respecting private property...something he struggles with.

I didn't get upset with him, but I walked him into the donut shop so that he could have a chance to ask the owner permission to have a flower (that he already picked.)

The owner noted his good manners and gave him a free bag of donut holes. Exactly the opposite of what I had hoped would be reinforced!

Wouldn’t say that. The owner recognized that he had owned up to his mistake. Then he gave a 5-year-old some donut holes. He reinforced the value of coming forth with his mistake.

Fair, but put yourself in an impulsive pre-schooler's head.

"I can pick flowers in front of a store to get donuts."

I fear the donut reward undermined the idea that there was a mistake to begin with.

Nah, man. These kids are smarter than we realize.

yep, and the impulse was to do something sweet.

I totally understand wanting to help him with impulses tho. Parenting is hard, especially when we’re worried about what others might think of us and our choices or lack thereof.

I think it was the immediacy of the reward that bothered me.

A more disciplined approach would have been something like " you can keep that flower and thank you for coming in to ask. Here's a gift card for a free bag of dots, but be sure to listen to your daddy and ask to pick these flowers when you come back."

One time I had a farmer at the farmers market chastise my kid to harshly for putting a bit of dirt in her water bucket full of flowers, even after she'd watch me correct him on the behavior. I'd take a bag of donuts anyhow. I've never bought anything from that farm every again.

I think it's much more likely for people to be dicks to your kids. Take the win.

No! What would Marcus Aurelius do? We should be demanding greatness from our village and from our children.

Just kidding, kind of...

Really though, I think there's a middle ground between chastising and knee-jerk rewarding, and that's where I'm at with this.

Anyway, it's not that serious. I just wanted to bring some recent incident to the parenting thread.

I’ve been finding that if I bring my kid a snack at pick up, she’s much less cranky when we get home. Gotta spike up that blood sugar I guess.

Our local little league all star team chooses 12 players. It is the 10u team.

My one kid is 9 and placed 15th in the voting. So got pretty close to making the 10’s team as a 9. I am very proud of him. Four 9’s made the team.

Next year.

Bammer wrote:Our local little league all star team chooses 12 players. It is the 10u team.

My one kid is 9 and placed 15th in the voting. So got pretty close to making the 10’s team as a 9. I am very proud of him. Four 9’s made the team.

Next year.

are they going to go to Ball So Hard University on a full swing scholarship?

Two times in the last two weeks I've had to pick up my eldest from school cause she's bashed her head somehow - the first time we thought she might have a concussion, turned out to be whiplash. Anyway after the second time I started floating in a serious tone that we might need to get a helmet for her to wear during the day cause this seems to keep happening. Texted my wife to have the same discussion when she got home from work. My daughter just accepted that this is what was going to happen - no argueing, no 'I'll be more careful' - just 'Do you think I could decorate the helmet and put kitty ears on it?'
What is wrong with that generation

I gave up on teaching the kid to ride a bike, and opted for paid lessons instead as I’d heard good things. Knocked out three lessons this past week and she just about has it, amazing. Can ride freely and turn, still needs a bit of work on pushing off from a stop and also braking, but the hard part is done I’ll get her out again tomorrow and over the weekend.

spike wrote:I gave up on teaching the kid to ride a bike, and opted for paid lessons instead as I’d heard good things. Knocked out three lessons this past week and she just about has it, amazing. Can ride freely and turn, still needs a bit of work on pushing off from a stop and also braking, but the hard part is done I’ll get her out again tomorrow and over the weekend.

Balance bikes worked well for my kids to a certain extent but my son still refuses to stand up off the seat to create more force on the pedals.
We did paid swimming lessons for one kid and might have to for the second.

It feels like these activities used to come more naturally to kids but everybody’s different.

Matters wrote:

spike wrote:I gave up on teaching the kid to ride a bike, and opted for paid lessons instead as I’d heard good things. Knocked out three lessons this past week and she just about has it, amazing. Can ride freely and turn, still needs a bit of work on pushing off from a stop and also braking, but the hard part is done I’ll get her out again tomorrow and over the weekend.

Balance bikes worked well for my kids to a certain extent but my son still refuses to stand up off the seat to create more force on the pedals.
We did paid swimming lessons for one kid and might have to for the second.

It feels like these activities used to come more naturally to kids but everybody’s different.

It could be the bubble wrapped kids thing that’s reality now. I was proud of mine today; lots of other kids being super difficult, whining, hiding under tables. Mine was chomping at the bit finally, and was laughing it off when she’d fall over.

Matters wrote:

spike wrote:I gave up on teaching the kid to ride a bike, and opted for paid lessons instead as I’d heard good things. Knocked out three lessons this past week and she just about has it, amazing. Can ride freely and turn, still needs a bit of work on pushing off from a stop and also braking, but the hard part is done I’ll get her out again tomorrow and over the weekend.

Balance bikes worked well for my kids to a certain extent but my son still refuses to stand up off the seat to create more force on the pedals.
We did paid swimming lessons for one kid and might have to for the second.

It feels like these activities used to come more naturally to kids but everybody’s different.

All three of my kids had formal swimming lessons. So did I. I thought all the self taught swimmers had died off.

Got a second daughter in July. She was born early, but is doing well.