Red Mosquito

Carl Sandburg wrote:There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

tragabigzanda wrote:Lacking any context I’d say you are being super reactive and not making much sense

Anders wrote:Can you forgive them in your heart, and fully give them another chance?

Anders wrote:Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

Alex wrote:As someone who’s cut off contact with a parent after a cycle of emotional abuse (my dad might have something resembling Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or, as it’s colloquially called, “Tragabigzandism”), I can say it’s rather peaceful to be free of the intrusions.

The main thing I’d offer is for you to try to set up and enforce some boundaries before ending all contact. Explain the boundaries well—what they are and why you need them. If boundaries are continually disrespected, then cutting off all contact is a viable option.

Also, if you have other family members who have a measure of objectivity, lean on them. I relied on my aunt (my dad’s older sister) throughout the ordeal with my dad. Getting her opinion greatly helped me make sure I was seeing things clearly.

tree_ wrote:

Alex wrote:As someone who’s cut off contact with a parent after a cycle of emotional abuse (my dad might have something resembling Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or, as it’s colloquially called, “Tragabigzandism”), I can say it’s rather peaceful to be free of the intrusions.

The main thing I’d offer is for you to try to set up and enforce some boundaries before ending all contact. Explain the boundaries well—what they are and why you need them. If boundaries are continually disrespected, then cutting off all contact is a viable option.

Also, if you have other family members who have a measure of objectivity, lean on them. I relied on my aunt (my dad’s older sister) throughout the ordeal with my dad. Getting her opinion greatly helped me make sure I was seeing things clearly.

My dad was also emotionally abusive and I've also cut ties with him. I think it's over 2 years now since we talked.

Boundaries have been made clear my whole life. Either they refuse to acknowledge them or lack the ability to see.

There is no one else. They either left the area for good or are less competent than me.

Alex wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Alex wrote:As someone who’s cut off contact with a parent after a cycle of emotional abuse (my dad might have something resembling Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or, as it’s colloquially called, “Tragabigzandism”), I can say it’s rather peaceful to be free of the intrusions.

The main thing I’d offer is for you to try to set up and enforce some boundaries before ending all contact. Explain the boundaries well—what they are and why you need them. If boundaries are continually disrespected, then cutting off all contact is a viable option.

Also, if you have other family members who have a measure of objectivity, lean on them. I relied on my aunt (my dad’s older sister) throughout the ordeal with my dad. Getting her opinion greatly helped me make sure I was seeing things clearly.

My dad was also emotionally abusive and I've also cut ties with him. I think it's over 2 years now since we talked.

Boundaries have been made clear my whole life. Either they refuse to acknowledge them or lack the ability to see.

There is no one else. They either left the area for good or are less competent than me.

Sounds like an “end of your rope” situation. I can see why you’re so frustrated with it.

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

for example, the way they say: "it must be hard to be married to her".. with all past context, we know what they are saying. We know them very well. They don't seem to appreciate how my life has actually vastly improved since I met her and started a family. They are jealous of her for taking me away from them and are reacting childishly.

Anders wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

for example, the way they say: "it must be hard to be married to her".. with all past context, we know what they are saying. We know them very well. They don't seem to appreciate how my life has actually vastly improved since I met her and started a family. They are jealous of her for taking me away from them and are reacting childishly.

I think most people have a partner, and anyone should expect you to get one, and for you to be «somewhat taken away from them». I don’t understand how they can be against her for that alone.

tree_ wrote:

Alex wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Alex wrote:As someone who’s cut off contact with a parent after a cycle of emotional abuse (my dad might have something resembling Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or, as it’s colloquially called, “Tragabigzandism”), I can say it’s rather peaceful to be free of the intrusions.

The main thing I’d offer is for you to try to set up and enforce some boundaries before ending all contact. Explain the boundaries well—what they are and why you need them. If boundaries are continually disrespected, then cutting off all contact is a viable option.

Also, if you have other family members who have a measure of objectivity, lean on them. I relied on my aunt (my dad’s older sister) throughout the ordeal with my dad. Getting her opinion greatly helped me make sure I was seeing things clearly.

My dad was also emotionally abusive and I've also cut ties with him. I think it's over 2 years now since we talked.

Boundaries have been made clear my whole life. Either they refuse to acknowledge them or lack the ability to see.

There is no one else. They either left the area for good or are less competent than me.

Sounds like an “end of your rope” situation. I can see why you’re so frustrated with it.

Yes, and I feel some regret that I don't have more patience and love or room in my heart for them. If I were a better person, I could resolve everything for everyone peacefully, but I need to be happy first, and I know myself well. If I'm not happy, it will plague my entire life and those most important to me. Unfortunately for my sister and her kid, they aren't in that circle anymore, and that is the source of all this strife. They are consistently disappointed by men in their lives and other family, and I'm just another disappointment to them. But if they were "better" people too, I'd have room for them, but they bring me down. I just can't do it, and ultimately nobody is to blame. Not everybody has to be in everyone's lives, you know?

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

for example, the way they say: "it must be hard to be married to her".. with all past context, we know what they are saying. We know them very well. They don't seem to appreciate how my life has actually vastly improved since I met her and started a family. They are jealous of her for taking me away from them and are reacting childishly.

I think most people have a partner, and anyone should expect you to get one, and for you to be «somewhat taken away from them». I don’t understand how they can be against her for that alone.

logic doesn't apply with them; they are driven by pain, confusion and disappointment. Some things she did or didn't do may have offended them in some way, but for unfair/unjust reasons.

lennytheweedwhacker wrote:What’s the deal with your work and her coming to your office? Unprompted drop in?

lennytheweedwhacker wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:

tree_ wrote:

Anders wrote:Why do you think they are rude to your wife? That seems like a very serious issue. Difficult to move past.

for example, the way they say: "it must be hard to be married to her".. with all past context, we know what they are saying. We know them very well. They don't seem to appreciate how my life has actually vastly improved since I met her and started a family. They are jealous of her for taking me away from them and are reacting childishly.

I think most people have a partner, and anyone should expect you to get one, and for you to be «somewhat taken away from them». I don’t understand how they can be against her for that alone.

logic doesn't apply with them; they are driven by pain, confusion and disappointment. Some things she did or didn't do may have offended them in some way, but for unfair/unjust reasons.

Maybe it’s because she was arrested for assault?

Anders wrote:Very sad reading about you guys having such limited contact with your families.

In my life it has been the opposite. Whoever has come into my life has left at some point, but never my family.