Red Mosquito

“God Obviously Wants To Keep His Messenger On Earth For Another Few Years” – Bono

U2 FRONTMAN Bono cheated death yesterday afternoon when a door fell off an airplane that was carrying him and four friends to Berlin.
The aircraft’s entire tailgate section had also completely detached, with luggage falling 8,000 feet into the German countryside.
“God obviously wants to keep his messenger on earth for another few years,” said Bono, shortly after arriving safely in Berlin airport. “I’m not saying he didn’t love Jesus or anything, but since he had him killed, but is keeping me alive, I think that proves I’m his favourite”.
An airport spokesman told WWN that the passengers “must have been blessed” after the 80-centimetre by 100-centimetre rear hatch landed in the vicinity of Schoenefeld airport, on Berlin’s southeastern edge.
“It was most definitely divine intervention,” said spokesman Ralf Kunkel. “Mr. Bono’s work here isn’t done yet and that’s why all these people are alive today”.
The German Federal Bureau of Aircraft Accidents has begun an investigation into the cause of the

Jesus Christ

dimejinky99 wrote:“God Obviously Wants To Keep His Messenger On Earth For Another Few Years” – Bono

U2 FRONTMAN Bono cheated death yesterday afternoon when a door fell off an airplane that was carrying him and four friends to Berlin.
The aircraft’s entire tailgate section had also completely detached, with luggage falling 8,000 feet into the German countryside.
“God obviously wants to keep his messenger on earth for another few years,” said Bono, shortly after arriving safely in Berlin airport. “I’m not saying he didn’t love Jesus or anything, but since he had him killed, but is keeping me alive, I think that proves I’m his favourite”.
An airport spokesman told WWN that the passengers “must have been blessed” after the 80-centimetre by 100-centimetre rear hatch landed in the vicinity of Schoenefeld airport, on Berlin’s southeastern edge.
“It was most definitely divine intervention,” said spokesman Ralf Kunkel. “Mr. Bono’s work here isn’t done yet and that’s why all these people are alive today”.
The German Federal Bureau of Aircraft Accidents has begun an investigation into the cause of the

thats gotta be a joke.

yeah, clearly

hilarious. Something did happen. Like a door came unlatched but nothing fell out, plane waas still pressurized and nobody was in danger.

lol.

It was the cargo door so not at all connected to the cabin. He probably lost his pants and toiletries though.

Waterfordwhispers wrote the above..theyre like an Irish version of the Onion.

Rangi Guy wrote:http://www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/ce ... rgery.html

Chris Martin and Bruce Springsteen just filled in for Bono for U2's World AIDS Day concert:

Instead, U2 and Bono’s charity organization (RED) moved forward with an assemblage of top-notch artists that few would have envisioned sharing a bill, much less a stage. Dubbing themselves “U2 Minus 1,” the band invited Coldplay’s Chris Martin and Bruce Springsteen to fill Bono’s shoes, and recruited Carrie Underwood and Kanye West to give solo performances. Despite drearily persistent rain, the show didn’t disappoint.

Surprise guest Bill Clinton kicked the event off with a rousing testament to the advances in AIDS treatment since his presidency. Sent by Bono to preside over the concert in his stead, Clinton assured the crowd, “You have only about a minute and a half of halfway-serious talk, and then it’s all fun after that.”

U2 first took the stage with Coldplay’s Chris Martin, who bounced around the stage, biceps flexing, and paused to tell the audience that “dreams do come true.”

This all reads like a terrible fever dream.

Kanye followed and, after an introduction as “the most groundbreaking artist in music today,” barreled through a career-spanning five-song medley that confirmed just that. As only he could, Kanye kicked off his portion of the AIDS benefit show with his testament to ego, “Power.” As lights the crowd hadn’t known existed began to flash

Lights the crowd didn't know existed.

Which is still slightly less hilarious than blurting out "dreams do come true" at World AIDS Day I guess.

nice work, mcp.

7.5/10

The tour dates have been released.

Damn, their rumor mill was spot on. It'll be interesting if the setlist diversity experiment works.

CopperTom wrote:Damn, their rumor mill was spot on. It'll be interesting if the setlist diversity experiment works.

Somehow I think a U2 setlist diversity thing will mean a small acoustic set one night and a club mix set the next. This is still U2. Their closing songs and encores will be very scripted for maximum emotional and musical impact.

I'm using the tour as an excuse to go to France. Bought my tickets this morning.

Cool.

Maybe i'll open my mail tomorrow and find free gig tickets and flights to the shows..

thanks U2

dimejinky99 wrote:Cool.

Maybe i'll open my mail tomorrow and find free gig tickets and flights to the shows..

thanks U2