RM’s Most Eligible Bachelor

[tragabigzanda]

There is a wolf in me . . . fangs pointed for tearing gashes . . . a red tongue for raw meat . . . and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fox in me . . . a silver-gray fox . . . I sniff and guess . . . I pick things out of the wind and air . . . I nose in the dark night and take sleepers and eat them and hide the feathers . . . I circle and loop and double-cross.

There is a hog in me . . . a snout and a belly . . . a machinery for eating and grunting . . . a machinery for sleeping satisfied in the sun—I got this too from the wilderness and the wilderness will not let it go.

There is a fish in me . . . I know I came from salt-blue water-gates . . . I scurried with shoals of herring . . . I blew waterspouts with porpoises . . . before land was . . . before the water went down . . . before Noah . . . before the first chapter of Genesis.

There is a baboon in me . . . clambering-clawed . . . dog-faced . . . yawping a galoot's hunger . . . hairy under the armpits . . . here are the hawk-eyed hankering men . . . here are the blonde and blue-eyed women . . . here they hide curled asleep waiting . . . ready to snarl and kill . . . ready to sing and give milk . . . waiting—I keep the baboon because the wilderness says so.

There is an eagle in me and a mockingbird . . . and the eagle flies among the Rocky Mountains of my dreams and fights among the Sierra crags of what I want . . . and the mockingbird warbles in the early forenoon before the dew is gone, warbles in the underbrush of my Chattanoogas of hope, gushes over the blue Ozark foothills of my wishes—And I got the eagle and the mockingbird from the wilderness.

O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

Actually, looking at Oxford’s definition, Snatch is disqualified. And I believe peeps would be too.

Is peeps in a relationship?

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

[Peeps]

im actually 53 damnit

also i am pretty sure i have said i love you more times to bogey in the last three weeks than i have said in my previous three serious relationships

[tree_]

"bogey"?

[lennytheweedwhacker]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

If the thread is to be taken mostly seriously, I’d say anybody in a relationship is eliminated from consideration. Bachelor is just the fun way to designate it.

[lennytheweedwhacker]

Also planning on pulling a Nathan Fielder and starting my own dating reality show.

[wease]

im actually 53 damnit

also i am pretty sure i have said i love you more times to bogey in the last three weeks than i have said in my previous three serious relationships

That’s what pups are for. Dogs are so awesome.

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

[tommy]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Nobody likes a pendant, wease

It's Lenny's thread (I think) and he should decide what it means.

[96583UP]

you ever suck a man?

[dad]

you ever suck a man?

and was that man a bachelor...?

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Nobody likes a pendant, wease

It's Lenny's thread (I think) and he should decide what it means.

*pedant

[lennytheweedwhacker]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Depends on the dictionary in this case, hoss. I just looked at four and only one specified “never has been married”

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Depends on the dictionary in this case, hoss. I just looked at four and only one specified “never has been married”

Hoss? The Alabama’s coming out now.

[tommy]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Nobody likes a pendant, wease

It's Lenny's thread (I think) and he should decide what it means.

*pedant

Mother fucker

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Nobody likes a pendant, wease

It's Lenny's thread (I think) and he should decide what it means.

*pedant

Mother fucker

[lennytheweedwhacker]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Depends on the dictionary in this case, hoss. I just looked at four and only one specified “never has been married”

Hoss? The Alabama’s coming out now.

Oh yeah I thought about you the other day when I was pumping gas

[wease]

It has nothing to do with being in a relationship. A bachelor is a man who is not, nor has ever been, married.

It can simply mean unmarried.

Incorrect

Depends on the dictionary in this case, hoss. I just looked at four and only one specified “never has been married”

Hoss? The Alabama’s coming out now.

Oh yeah I thought about you the other day when I was pumping gas

I hope everyone does