Red Mosquito

Weird quote but ok.

woah

Made Buffalo wings

Everyone, please stop what you're doing, and read the following post, quite possibly one of the longest i've written.

i had a pound of impossible meat (packaged), and an eagerness to try to make a Smashburger with it. It would be my first ever attempt at the smash.

it's raining here in central Oklahoma, and while i *could've* pulled the grill under the back patio, and fired it up, it was too cold and wet to bother. so i grabbed one of our cast iron pans, seasoned the impossible with salt and pepper, and rolled three separate balls. then i fired up the biggest burner on the gas stove top, waited a couple of minutes for the iron to get hot, and dropped a spoon of coconut oil into the pan.

the coconut oil was a HUGE mistake. i didn't bother to research what would be best to use. remember, i was EAGER.

NOTE: before i turned the burner on, i switched on the oven vent above to high.

as soon as i dropped the coconut oil onto the pan, smoke rose up and into the vent, as well as the rest of the kitchen/dining/living room area. the alarms went off, and i had to crack open a window, and the back door, turn on a ceiling fan and get the damn alarm to stop screeching. all the while, my dog is following my every step, her tail tucked up into her dog butthole.

after holding the correct button down on the alarm system for three seconds (nearly three times) i finally managed to get the screeching to stop.

i felt stupid, defeated, and annoyed that i'd not only set off the alarms, but i filled the house with smoke, and it'll take forever for that smell to dissipate. There are many food/cooking-related smells i’m cool with, and burnt stuff is not high on my list.

I sent a quick text to my wife to let her know what she’d be coming home to. Then i looked at the plate on the counter with three rolled balls of impossible meat. Then i thought…well, it already smells in here, and the windows are open, and i can’t just let those fake meat balls go to waste.

I moved the pan to the second biggest burner, fired that one up, and didn’t bother to add oil to the pan. I waited about a minute, and everything seemed fine, no smoke, no screeching. I took a ball of meat and placed it in the middle of the pan. Then i rolled it around a bit with the big metal spatula. I took a large oven mitt, and put it on my left hand. With my right hand holding the handle of the spatula, i used the mitten hand and pressed the spatula down upon the meat ball, and flattened that fucker good. I waited about four minutes, and then i flipped it. It looked pretty good. I let that go for about 2-3 minutes, took it off the pan, and placed it onto a plate. I kept the burner on and went into the fridge for some spicy guac (no, doug, i didn’t make my own…sorry).

I spooned some of the guac up, and then spooned up a piece of the burger.

Please know that even though i’ve talked and talked about wanting to make this damn burger, i don’t care for bread, so this was bunless. I have to say, it turned out pretty great. I took the next meat ball and put it in the pan, and immediately smashed it down, even flatter this time. I let it sit there for 4 minutes while i ate the first one i’d made.

When it was ready to flip i did just that, and then went to the fridge, grabbed a slice of pepperjack cheese, and put it on top of the now smashed faux meat cooking in the pan. I waited about 2 minutes and scooped it up and onto the plate that once held my first burger. I took a bite into this one, and yeah, pepperjack was a good choice.

I then grabbed the third and final meat ball and placed it on the pan. I waited half a minute before giving it an even better smush than the previous two. I let that sit and redirected my sights on the pepperjack smash, and hoovered that thing up.

The one in the pan was looking so good..even better than the others. I couldn’t possibly eat all three, but i couldn’t possibly pass on the chance to try what looked to be the best of them all. It looked crispy as hell in the pan.

I had an idea, so I opened the pantry and grabbed the creamy no sugar added peanut butter from aldi. I’d only tried a couple of spoonfuls of it prior to today, and it’s very runny but good. It’s similar in taste to whatever pb is used in reese’s pb cups or pieces.

I gave the patty a flip in the pan and holy shit, it looked so good. I waited a couple of minutes and removed it from the pan and onto the plate. My final test subject. I took a spoonful of the creamy pb, and dropped it atop the patty, slathered it around and took a bite and oh fuck…i’m going to eat this whole thing. I’m literally going to eat a pound of impossible meat.

RMers, I did.

I ate a pound of impossible meat…smash style.

Today’s experiments are tomorrow's constitutional woes.

Tl;dr

I made smashburgers using impossible meat.

I want to party with this man

outstanding stuff... except who doesn't care for bread?

And what did Mrs Dad eat for supper since you ate all the burgers?

wease wrote:And what did Mrs Dad eat for supper since you ate all the burgers?

Real food?

spike wrote:

wease wrote:And what did Mrs Dad eat for supper since you ate all the burgers?

Real food?

Did a double take thinking this was a verb post.

mrs. dad isn't on the plant-based journey like me.

i can't even recall what she had. i was in the throes of my smash.

Grilled salmon and asparagus

Chili

Wagyu burgers—not smashed—with sharp cheddar and toasted brioche buns. They banged pretty hard.

macphisto wrote:Wagyu burgers—not smashed—with sharp cheddar and toasted brioche buns. They banged pretty hard.

How are those new Arby’s burgers?

Shawarma

E.H. Ruddock wrote:

macphisto wrote:Wagyu burgers—not smashed—with sharp cheddar and toasted brioche buns. They banged pretty hard.

How are those new Arby’s burgers?

LOOK OUT WE GOT A FUCKIN FUNNY MAN HERE.

macphisto wrote:

E.H. Ruddock wrote:

macphisto wrote:Wagyu burgers—not smashed—with sharp cheddar and toasted brioche buns. They banged pretty hard.

How are those new Arby’s burgers?

LOOK OUT WE GOT A FUCKIN FUNNY MAN HERE.

A thick patty ff burger weirds me out.

Chicken enchiladas

Grilled pork chops and mashed potatoes

Grilled pork chops and creamed cabbage