Red Mosquito

This is what I've got, in between work and meetings and stuff. Not sure if it's any good, but I do want to memorialize more of my thoughts:

"Consider yourselves our greatest influence," said Kurt Cobain to Kim Thayil. Yes, this once happened. As mentioned in the book "Grunge is Dead", an oral history by Greg? Prato, Kurt Cobain bluntly said this the first time he met Kim Thayil at some house party, when Nirvana was first breaking into the Subpop-centered social scene in Seattle. I read this only maybe 6-7 or so years ago. Like most people my age, I was led to believe that it was Nirvana and the Green River spawning of Mother Love Bone/Pearl Jam and Mudhoney that was fully responsible for “Grunge” and the “Seattle Sound”. I was led incorrectly.

What really happened was that Nirvana was trucking it into Seattle often around 1987 or so, and they were just getting to know the town and scene, since they were from Aberdeen, another town altogether. It was not long after this that Chris Cornell could be seen around town wearing Nirvana t-shirts, championing the band. This was before Cobain became self-conscious about who to mention when naming his references. Later, when perception, competitiveness, and insecurity started settling into the scene, Cobain would mention his more pure-punk influences, like Scratch Acid and Meat Puppets, and not mention Soundgarden. But Soundgarden, and their innovative and boundary-stretching sound, is what set the course of the entire Seattle Scene. I know this now, and I feel like most people don’t realize this. If anything comes out of what feels like a completely senseless death, I hope it’s atleast this. Those dirgy sounds that mixed 70s classic rock with punk, that was made in some out-of-the-way oasis in the Pacific Northwest, that sounded like it could only come from there, and specifically in Seattle, had to incubate somewhere. They incubated in the mind and soul of Chris Cornell, The Seattleite.

Now, as a new alt-rock fan, and a 16 year old one at that, I certainly knew none of this. It was Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and then Soundgarden and then Alice In Chains. It took a little digging, and I finally got there (no thanks to the music press), but I finally got to the bottom of it. Soundgarden started everything. And the whole aesthetic was led by Chris Cornell. Reading oral histories and biographies told me this, but really, if you just listen to the bands in the scene, with more seasoned ears and in sequence by the year they came out, it was Soundgarden that drove everything. They, along with Mudhoney, were the building blocks of Subpop. Soundgarden, and Soundgarden only, led this scene into major label territory before everyone else followed.

Chris Cornell was a pure Seattleite. He grew up, as he has been known to say, "in the most stereotypical Seattle neighborhood". That "sound" and attitude so deeply associated with Generation X and rain and isolation and disenfranchisement *had* to have come from somewhere and someone. Somebody who was lonely and a little depressive, but understood the power of wailing over titanic riffs. It was Chris, and the rest if history.

Now, let’s get back to Pearl Jam. Imagine an alternate reality, one where the Seattle scene was about competition and turf wars. I think we’ve heard the story about Pearl Jam’s first Off Ramp gig. How Eddie was nervous and shy about how he was going to be received. About how he and Chris Cornell stood under a black light, and Chris welcomed him into the scene, while Ed is thinking he looked like the devil under those lights. Now, imagine an alternate version, one where Chris is so mad that Andy Wood left the world, and that a new guy was now fronting this band. He could have seethed, been put off, just been nice on the surface but never really supportive. Credibility meant a lot in those days. He could have mouthed off to everyone in Seattle “nah, not the same, I wish it was Mother Love Bone”. Pearl Jam already struggled enough with cred in those days, with Cobain and Mark Arm (insecurely) at the time not exactly being their biggest boosters. Chris Cornell joining this chorus could have devastated their credibility. The band could certainly still have broken through, but it would have been without any cred. No Cobain or Arm, and no Cornell backing them, hell they might as well have been an early version of Candlebox in this cred-centric era.

I think I only began appreciating Cornell’s support in the last few years. Maybe when he did the PJ20 thing. Soundgarden and Pearl Jam certainly fed off of each other. I can't confirm this, but I have a strong hunch that the "butterflies" line from Outshined had to have come as a result of Chris really digging Mookie Blaylock/Pearl Jam's "Even Flow". The bands are so intertwined it's actually kind of hard to separate how much they influenced each other. The rainy arena ready riffs, the somber but energized vocals that came out of Vedder, Cobain, Staley - there were certainly many many influences, and all 3 of the singers were/are artistic and singular voices in their own right - but there is a common thread that ties them together. There is something about them that outsiders of the Seattle scene (like me) identified as of a similar aesthetic, representing *our* version of what a rock singer should be. Chris Cornell was the common spark that united them. It all could have been so much different, for the worse, if Chris Cornell didn't have a generous spirit that helped sustain this group of friends and community of musicians.

Slaves and Bulldozers was a teenage bedroom anthem of mine. Rusty Cage, Room a Thousand Years Wide, Tighter and Tighter, Fell on Black Days, Call me a Dog, Say Hello to Heavan, Burden in My Hand. One of my personal favorite Chris songs is the Audioslave song Be Yourself. More recently, his music appeared to take a more positive tone with Higher Truth. He seemed in pretty good spirits from what I saw on the videos I saw online for the Temple of the Dog tour. He'd broken through all kinds of new territory over the last several years. He had more folk music in him. New instruments. A power pop record. A country record. Another electropop record (this time done right). I caught some of his interviews this past year, he seemed more positive than he has in a long time. Looking California, Feeling Minnesota indeed.

always loved this. haven't heard it in probably 15 years, and honestly forgot it existed. just stumbled across it on YT.

Speculating an unnatural death is just part of the process. I know when my dad died, alone at his home, we all had questions as to what happened to him.

People are still searching for any meaning or answers. Many of us are still shocked that this happened. Chris Cornell hanged himself. Damn.

I don't think we'll be offending or disrespecting any family members in our little corner of the internet. Of course, we should remain respectful in our thoughts and comments.

We all grieve differently. Personally, I'm not ready to celebrate his life. I have my whole life to remember his and the music he made. I'm sad and a little confused right now. I feel so bad for his family and his bandmates.

This seriously doesn't feel real yet. He no longer walks the earth with us. And no longer will he be here to create his amazing art or live in his own world. Chris is just a memory to be preserved, and that is something I'm having a difficult time imagining in this moment.

Nothing in this reality has felt real for a long time. Fake elections, fake planes, fake sun. Down is up, up is down men look like women and vice versa. I could go on but, as the muse guy said, prepare for something biblical. Jeff P among others on you,tube has shown shown the Lense array they got up bending light is failing. Soon the final card...the final card. Just look at the headlines from our bull shot free press. The absolute absurdity of the so called msm, and nobody questions anything anymore. No accountability for anything. How is persons are all on cruise control, I met every one is just mentally off.

http://www.freep.com/story/entertainmen ... 330051001/

Even without the benefit of hindsight from the morning's awful news, it was clear that something wasn’t right with the 52-year-old Cornell during the Fox performance. He often staggered back-and-forth across the stage, and seemed weak in his movements. Just one or two songs in, it was as if the energy had exited his body, and what was left was a shell of a man scrambling to do his job.

It's not that the nearly two-hour show itself was bad, but it seemed like Cornell wasn’t mentally present.

He missed words, sometimes in entire blocks, letting the crowd sing the parts of the songs he didn’t. Nobody complained; in fact, the audience of about 5,000 seemed to love it.

Cornell was visibly agitated at times. He walked off the stage for several minutes before playing “Been Away Too Long,” causing the band to start over and leaving them playing instrumentals to fill the gap. When he came back onstage, he made a “move it along” motion with his hand.

Bandmate and bassist Ben Shepherd laughed it off, but then Cornell took to the mic to complain that he didn’t have a backup guitar. “Been Away Too Long,” which was Soundgarden’s 2012 comeback single from the album "King Animal" after a more than decade-long breakup, was played as a strange, bass-heavy rendition that moved in the wrong direction.

Then there was Cornell’s irritability. His vocals were often lagging, not in sync with the music. At times, he stopped singing completely and gave up for several seconds before catching back on with his bandmates.

At the time, I chalked it up to being late in the tour, thinking that his voice might be shot. Maybe he was exhausted. After all, Cornell, who is known for his four-octave vocal range and having one of the most versatile voices in rock ’n’ roll, spends the majority of his time screaming into the mic — naturally, that will take a toll.

Several times throughout the night, he gave brief backstories to songs, regaling the band's work with record label Sub Pop. For “My Wave,” he emphasized the importance of doing your own thing, as long as you don’t harm anyone in the process.

But then things took a dark turn before the song began. “You can burn crosses on your lawn, I don’t give a (profanity). You can burn your house down,” he said. “Who cares? I don’t. As long as you don’t catch someone else’s house on fire.”

But Cornell spoke fondly of Detroit, over and over. It was the one element of the show he seemed truly excited about. He talked about Detroit Rock City, how the audience was unparalleled. How the band loved playing here. He acknowledged the crowd up in the balcony, asking them to stand. He also asked the crowd in front of the stage to cheer for those people.

One line, which at the time seemed innocuous, sticks: “I feel bad for the next city,” Cornell said over the mic. The quote came just after mentioning that nothing could ever top Detroit. Now, it has a much deeper, heartbreaking meaning.

Just a handful of songs saw Cornell immersed: “Fell on Black Days” and the show’s closer, the second song of the encore “Slaves & Bulldozers.” The latter included a refrain from Led Zeppelin’s “In My Time of Dying,” which the band has covered before. It was written as a spiritual song about death.

In the guitar solo for the “Slaves & Bulldozers”/“In My Time of Dying” fusion, Cornell finally gave his all. He played the guitar backwards, hung over his head, and dragged the mic stand along the strings. Caught in a cathartic-like moment, the singer-guitarist let himself shine one last time.

Here was the rock frontman who had so poignantly carved a path in rock ’n’ roll, helping propel Seattle to the front of the grunge scene with multi-platinum-selling albums. A shy vocalist, hidden behind a mass of curls that hung over his eyes, connecting with millions through brutally honest, heavy yet also delicate words.

A Detroit-based photographer who walked past Cornell after the show said he didn’t think “anything abnormal” in regards to his demeanor. “[The band] thanked a few fans waiting for autographs and got into the vehicle,” he said.

But my mind thinks back to watching him onstage at the Fox, doing the refrain to “In My Time of Dying,” struggling so hard to send a message – perhaps a hidden goodbye that nobody saw coming.

resonance of distance wrote:Nothing in this reality has felt real for a long time. Fake elections, fake planes, fake sun. Down is up, up is down men look like women and vice versa. I could go on but, as the muse guy said, prepare for something biblical. Jeff P among others on you,tube has shown shown the Lense array they got up bending light is failing. Soon the final card...the final card. Just look at the headlines from our bull shot free press. The absolute absurdity of the so called msm, and nobody questions anything anymore. No accountability for anything. How is persons are all on cruise control, I met every one is just mentally off.

I see this Cornell death is really bringing some crazies out of the woodwork

I know it's human nature to try and make sense of nonsensical things but that review feels an awful lot like clutching at straws, nothing in that description sounds terribly portentous or out of the ordinary; we all know how many times Ed's forgotten lyrics, fallen out of sync with the band, sounded hoarse, let the crowd take over, walked off stage for a period, etc.

evenslow wrote:http://www.freep.com/story/entertainment/music/2017/05/18/chris-cornell-final-performance-detroit-soundgarden/330051001/

Even without the benefit of hindsight from the morning's awful news, it was clear that something wasn’t right with the 52-year-old Cornell during the Fox performance. He often staggered back-and-forth across the stage, and seemed weak in his movements. Just one or two songs in, it was as if the energy had exited his body, and what was left was a shell of a man scrambling to do his job.

It's not that the nearly two-hour show itself was bad, but it seemed like Cornell wasn’t mentally present.

He missed words, sometimes in entire blocks, letting the crowd sing the parts of the songs he didn’t. Nobody complained; in fact, the audience of about 5,000 seemed to love it.

Cornell was visibly agitated at times. He walked off the stage for several minutes before playing “Been Away Too Long,” causing the band to start over and leaving them playing instrumentals to fill the gap. When he came back onstage, he made a “move it along” motion with his hand.

Bandmate and bassist Ben Shepherd laughed it off, but then Cornell took to the mic to complain that he didn’t have a backup guitar. “Been Away Too Long,” which was Soundgarden’s 2012 comeback single from the album "King Animal" after a more than decade-long breakup, was played as a strange, bass-heavy rendition that moved in the wrong direction.

Then there was Cornell’s irritability. His vocals were often lagging, not in sync with the music. At times, he stopped singing completely and gave up for several seconds before catching back on with his bandmates.

At the time, I chalked it up to being late in the tour, thinking that his voice might be shot. Maybe he was exhausted. After all, Cornell, who is known for his four-octave vocal range and having one of the most versatile voices in rock ’n’ roll, spends the majority of his time screaming into the mic — naturally, that will take a toll.

Several times throughout the night, he gave brief backstories to songs, regaling the band's work with record label Sub Pop. For “My Wave,” he emphasized the importance of doing your own thing, as long as you don’t harm anyone in the process.

But then things took a dark turn before the song began. “You can burn crosses on your lawn, I don’t give a (profanity). You can burn your house down,” he said. “Who cares? I don’t. As long as you don’t catch someone else’s house on fire.”

But Cornell spoke fondly of Detroit, over and over. It was the one element of the show he seemed truly excited about. He talked about Detroit Rock City, how the audience was unparalleled. How the band loved playing here. He acknowledged the crowd up in the balcony, asking them to stand. He also asked the crowd in front of the stage to cheer for those people.

One line, which at the time seemed innocuous, sticks: “I feel bad for the next city,” Cornell said over the mic. The quote came just after mentioning that nothing could ever top Detroit. Now, it has a much deeper, heartbreaking meaning.

Just a handful of songs saw Cornell immersed: “Fell on Black Days” and the show’s closer, the second song of the encore “Slaves & Bulldozers.” The latter included a refrain from Led Zeppelin’s “In My Time of Dying,” which the band has covered before. It was written as a spiritual song about death.

In the guitar solo for the “Slaves & Bulldozers”/“In My Time of Dying” fusion, Cornell finally gave his all. He played the guitar backwards, hung over his head, and dragged the mic stand along the strings. Caught in a cathartic-like moment, the singer-guitarist let himself shine one last time.

Here was the rock frontman who had so poignantly carved a path in rock ’n’ roll, helping propel Seattle to the front of the grunge scene with multi-platinum-selling albums. A shy vocalist, hidden behind a mass of curls that hung over his eyes, connecting with millions through brutally honest, heavy yet also delicate words.

A Detroit-based photographer who walked past Cornell after the show said he didn’t think “anything abnormal” in regards to his demeanor. “[The band] thanked a few fans waiting for autographs and got into the vehicle,” he said.

But my mind thinks back to watching him onstage at the Fox, doing the refrain to “In My Time of Dying,” struggling so hard to send a message – perhaps a hidden goodbye that nobody saw coming.

Honestly, none of that sounds out of the ordinary for a Soundgarden show. Cornell always looked a bit spaced out and the songs are incredibly tough to play/sing - he's not perfect 100% of the time.

I'm surprised Xana La Fuente hasn't made a statement yet.

tribute to CC all day on the radio. just played their first ever track, "Hunted Down", and described hearing Cornell's voice on that recording as "watching Superman learn how to fly"

When I read an earlier report from the New York Times, and local police said he was found with "a band" around his neck, my initial thought was actually auto-erotic asphyxiation. As others have said, this wasn't a twenty seven year old young man. He was a fifty two year old man with a beautiful wife, three young daughters, in the middle of a tour and recording a new album...

I'm not here to provide some armchair psychology, that's not my intent. I did not know the man. I simply can't fathom a willing suicide right now.

Instances like this always underscore how little the average person understands about depression. It's tragic. This kind of stuff needs more visibility and education.

Why are people thinking "young men" are more prone to suicide over older men? I've certainly struggled with my life value and depression a lot more in my 30's and 40's.

E.H. Ruddock wrote:Why are people thinking "young men" are more prone to suicide over older men? I've certainly struggled with my life value and depression a lot more in my 30's and 40's.

Posted earlier, but I'll post it again:

LoathedVermin72 wrote:

Dev wrote:It's like if he made it to 50 why do it now? Statistically I'm sure suicide is correlated to youth.

This is actually a misconception.

https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

"In 2015, the highest suicide rate (19.6) was among adults between 45 and 64 years of age. The second highest rate (19.4) occurred in those 85 years or older. Younger groups have had consistently lower suicide rates than middle-aged and older adults. In 2015, adolescents and young adults aged 15 to 24 had a suicide rate of 12.5."

People need to stop trying to make sense of suicide and depression based on their own idea of right and wrong. The only person that can understand it and empathize is the person it affects. Depression is an illness no different from cancer. We never talk about a person that died of cancer and say or think "how selfish of him."

E.H. Ruddock wrote:Why are people thinking "young men" are more prone to suicide over older men? I've certainly struggled with my life value and depression a lot more in my 30's and 40's.

this. I've struggled with depression, drinking, drugs, etc my entire life but as I've gotten older it lasts longer, and seems more intense with each "relapse". If you can call it that.

Fuck feelings and being the type of person who feels everything so deeply.

Still can't make any sense of this shit. Felt gutted all day today. Grieving someone you've never met... reminds me of the Frank situation all over again.

RIP to another great one.

Chris_H_2 wrote:People need to stop trying to make sense of suicide and depression based on their own idea of right and wrong. The only person that can understand it and empathize is the person it affects. Depression is an illness no different from cancer. We never talk about a person that died of cancer and say or think "how selfish of him."

I'm sorry, but this is counterproductive nonsense. Understanding and empathy are what we need a lot more of when it comes to suicide and depression. Part of the reason it is so widespread is because people don't talk about it.

LoathedVermin72 wrote:

Chris_H_2 wrote:People need to stop trying to make sense of suicide and depression based on their own idea of right and wrong. The only person that can understand it and empathize is the person it affects. Depression is an illness no different from cancer. We never talk about a person that died of cancer and say or think "how selfish of him."

I'm sorry, but this is counterproductive nonsense. Understanding and empathy are what we need a lot more of when it comes to suicide and depression. Part of the reason it is so widespread is because people don't talk about it.

You're misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is people can't judge, period. People think that victims of depression make choices, and others simply can't seem to wrap their heads around those choices because of how they live their own lives. Unless you're walking in that person's shoes, you can't judge. Supportive yes.

Chris_H_2 wrote:

LoathedVermin72 wrote:

Chris_H_2 wrote:People need to stop trying to make sense of suicide and depression based on their own idea of right and wrong. The only person that can understand it and empathize is the person it affects. Depression is an illness no different from cancer. We never talk about a person that died of cancer and say or think "how selfish of him."

I'm sorry, but this is counterproductive nonsense. Understanding and empathy are what we need a lot more of when it comes to suicide and depression. Part of the reason it is so widespread is because people don't talk about it.

You're misconstruing what I'm saying. My point is people can't judge, period. People think that victims of depression make choices, and others simply can't seem to wrap their heads around those choices because of how they live their own lives. Unless you're walking in that person's shoes, you can't judge. Supportive yes.

Okay, yes. That I agree with. People see that someone is successful, or has a "beautiful" family, or seems outwardly happy, and just cannot fathom or accept why they would commit suicide. Factors like that are often, ultimately, meaningless in the face of depression.

LoathedVermin72 wrote:Instances like this always underscore how little the average person understands about depression. It's tragic. This kind of stuff needs more visibility and education.

As someone who has dealt/deals with depression, it does always shock me when people say things like "he has everything, money, fame, wife, kids, album in the works", etc., etc. Having things or even people around you that love you doesn't necessarily change anything. When struggling with depression, the mind plays tricks on your reality. It can EXHAUST you to the point of confusion. Often it barely matters what is going on around you, the struggle is all in the mind. When I have been at my worst, it is pretty irrational. You often know what your feeling isn't based in reality, but that doesn't make it feel any less real. It's suffocating. It's exhausting. It's maddening. You want to shake it off desperately, but find no ability to do so. It's almost always impossible to explain to someone the way you feel and why you feel the way you do. You don't even understand it yourself, but it's there. It's always there. Time spent alone is the worst, but you have no desire or strength to spend time with others. It's hard to fake being happy, but it's impossible to explain the confusion of your own mind, so faking happy is the default. It can happen to anyone. The heart/mind/soul doesn't care about the superficial things that others see as reasons to be naturally happy or content. For whatever reason, we don't see the world like that.

I hurt for Chris because I can imagine feeling done with everything. Feeling like you just can't do it all again the next day. I've felt that way. It's deeply sad. It's emotionally crushing. Thankfully, for me, I have my kids. When I've felt like there was nothing left for me I've imagined what it would be like for my kids to live without their loving father. I could never intentionally take myself away from them. And I want to see them grow up. I want to be there for them. I wish Chris had been able to just hold on to that. My heart breaks for his kids, and his wife. I don't know how someone recovers from losing their father like this.